Bill Hicks

I'm tired of this back-slappin' "isn't humanity neat" bullshit. We're a virus with shoes.

They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you're high, you can do everything you normally do just as well _ you just realize that it's not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference.

Oh sorry, I was taking life seriously.

Life is only a dream and we are the imagination of ourselves.

Children are smarter than any of us. Know how I know that? I don't know one child with a full time job and children.

I hate patriotism... I can't stand it. It's a round world last time I checked.

I left in love, in laughter, and in truth, and wherever truth, love and laughter abide, I am there in spirit.

If you're so pro-life, do me a favour: don't lock arms and block medical clinics. If you're so pro-life, lock arms and block cemeteries.

I'm sorry if any of you are catholic. I'm not sorry if you're offended, I'm actually just sorry by the fact that you're catholic

Women priests. Great, great. Now there's priests of both sexes I don't listen to.

Music is a great energizer. It's a language everybody knows.

There is no such thing as death; life is only a dream, and we are the imagination of ourselves.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

It's all about money, not freedom. You think you're free? Try going somewhere without money.

I loved when Bush came out and said, 'We are losing the war against drugs.' You know what that implies? There's a war being fought, and the people on drugs are winning it.

I'm not into those kind of rivalries. I remember standing out in front of Stratford, minding my own business. Carload of about eighty kids would pull up: 'STRATFORD SUCKS!' Am I supposed to run after these guys? I'd just stand there, you know. They'd back up. 'STRATFORD SUCKS! ...STRATFORD SUCKS!' I'd say, 'I know. I go there. You're wasting gas, man.

You ever noticed how people who believe in Creationism look really un-evolved? You ever noticed that? Eyes real close together, eyebrow ridges, big furry hands and feet. "I believe God created me in one day". Yeah, looks like He rushed it

The best kind of comedy to me is when you make people laugh at things they__e never laughed at, and also take a light into the darkened corners of people__ minds, exposing them to the light.