Gayle Forman

If I stay. If I live. It__ up to me.All this business about medically induced comas is just doctor talk. It__ not up to the doctors. It__ not up to the absentee angels. It__ not even up to God who, if He exists, is nowhere around right now. It__ up to me.

The talks were like blood transfusions, moments of realness and hope that were pinpricks of light in the dark fabric of small-town life.

Don't worry, I plan on living a long time.""Why are you making a bucket list, then?""Because if you wait until you're really dying, it's too late.

I don't really care. I shouldn't have to care. I shouldn't have to work this hard. I realize now that dying is easy. Living is hard.

It wasn't even a fight, really. We didn't shout. We barely even argued, but a snake of tension quietly slithered into our lives.

I just wanted to tell you that I understand if you go. It__ okay if you have to leave us. It__ okay if you want to stop fighting.

Doubt is part of searching. Same as faith.

Almost don't matter. You got to deal with the situation at hand.

We tell our secrets to the dark.

Samo mislim da su sprovodi vrlo sli_ni smrti. Možeš imati želje i planove, ali na kraju ipak nemaš kontrolu ni nad _im.

I didn't give it much thought back then. I just wanted to get all the words straight and collect my A.

But that's the thing with death. The whisper of it descent travels fast and wide, and people must've know I'd become a corpse because nobody even came to view the body.

I think of me and Melanie when we were younger, on the high dive at the pool in Mexico. We would always hold hands as we jumped, but by the time we swam back up to the surface, we'd have let go. No matter how we tried, once we started swimming, we always let go. But after we bobbed to the surface, we'd climb out of the pool, clamber up the high-dive ladder, clasp hands, and do it again. We're swimming separately now. I get that. Maybe it's just what you have to do to keep above water. But who knows? Maybe one day, we'll climb out, grab hands, and jumo again.

Remember, the opposite of bravery is not cowardice, but conformity.

It's okay if you want to go. Everyone wants you to stay. I want you to stay more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. But that's what I want and I could see why it might not be what you want. So I just wanted to tell you that I understand if you go. It's okay if you have to leave us. It's okay if you want to stop fighting.

I'm surrounded by people and feel alone

Is that what death would feel like? The nicest, warmest, heaviest never-ending nap? If that__ what it__ like, I wouldn__ mind.

Sleep would be so welcome. A warm blanket of black to erase everything else. Sleep without dreams. I've heard people talk about the sleep of the dead. Is that what death would feel like? The nicest, warmest, heaviest never-ending nap? If that's what it's like, I wouldn't mind. If that's what dying is like, I wouldn't mind that at all.