George Bernard Shaw

He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches.

The natural term of the affection of the human animal for its offspring is six years.

Dying is a troublesome business: there is pain to be suffered, and it wrings one's heart; but death is a splendid thing__ warfare accomplished, a beginning all over again, a triumph. You can always see that in their faces.

Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!

The truth sticks in our throats with all the sauces it is served with: it will never go down until we take it without any sauce at all.

Do you think that the things people make fools of themselves about are any less real and true than the things they behave sensibly about? They are more true: they are the only things that are true.

We want a few mad people now. See where the sane ones have landed us!

Well, what do they all amount to, these kings and captains and bishops and lawyers and such like? They just leave you in the ditch to bleed to death; and the next thing is, you meet them down there, for all the airs they give themselves.

My schooling not only failed to teach me what it professed to be teaching, but prevented me from being educated to an extent which infuriates me when I think of all I might have learned at home by myself.

When our relatives are at home, we have to think of all their good points or it would be impossible to endure them. But when they are away, we console ourselves for their absence by dwelling on their vices.

If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.

Lack of money is the root of all evil.

Hell is full of musical amateurs: music is the brandy of the damned. May not one lost soul be permitted to abstain?

Hell is full of musical amateurs.

Those who talk most about the blessings of marriage and the constancy of its vows are the very people who declare that if the chain were broken and the prisoners left free to choose, the whole social fabric would fly asunder. You cannot have the argument both ways. If the prisoner is happy, why lock him in? If he is not, why pretend that he is?

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

You'll never have a quiet world till you knock the patriotism out of the human race.