H. L. Mencken

A professor must have a theory as a dog must have fleas.

Democracy is the art and science of running the circus from the monkey cage.

Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil.

The basic fact about human existence is not that it is a tragedy, but that it is a bore. It is not so much a war as an endless standing in line.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

In war the heroes always outnumber the soldiers ten to one.

There are men so philosophical that they can see humor in their own toothaches. But there has never lived a man so philosophical that he could see the toothache in his own humor.

Unionism seldom if ever uses such powers as it has to ensure better work almost always it devotes a large part of that power to safeguarding bad work.

Women have simple tastes. They get pleasure out of the conversation of children in arms and men in love.

Men are the only animals that devote themselves day in and day out to making one another unhappy.

Time is a great legalizer even in the fields of morals.

Time is a great legalizer even in the field of morals.

We are here and it is now. Further than that all knowledge is moonshine.

I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense.

The only liberty an inferior man really cherishes is the liberty to quit work stretch out in the sun and scratch himself.

Puritanism - the haunting fear that someone somewhere may be happy.

Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking.