Henry Cloud

Learning to accept powerlessness has profound spiritual implications for your child. When we accept the reality of our human condition -- that we are ultimately powerless to change our fallen state, yet totally responsible for being in it -- we are driven to receive God's solution based on his Son's payment of a debt we can't pay.

Defensive devaluation is a protective device that makes love bad, trust unimportant and people "no darn good any way". People who have been deeply hurt in their relationships will often devalue love so it doesn't hurt so much. And they often become resigned to never loving again.

This is one of the marks of a truly safe person: they are confrontable.

You aren't alive if you aren't in need.

We know from research that growth is actually contagious, so if you want to reach your goals, you've got to get around people that are going in the same direction you want to be going, and you will catch the success.

The physicality of a real relationship - one that encompasses mind, body and soul - ultimately makes it more fulfilling and powerful than any virtual relationship ever could be.

People tend to look at dating sort of like a safari - like they're trying to land the trophy.

What happens with a lot of leaders is that their leadership style is like ADD they are all over the place with different ideas. They could be driving one idea forward but then move on to something else too soon.

I fell in love with the topic of leadership. For three decades, that has been a major focus of my hands-on work: listening to and working with leaders, their teams and their organizations.

In a very real way, ownership is the essence of leadership. When you are 'ridiculously in charge,' then you own whatever happens in a company, school, et cetera.

Everything has seasons, and we have to be able to recognize when something's time has passed and be able to move into the next season. Everything that is alive requires pruning as well, which is a great metaphor for endings.

People with a style of denial and blaming are definitely on the list of unsafe people to avoid. 10.

Boundaries help us to distinguish our property so that we can take care of it. They help us to "guard our heart with all diligence." We need to keep things that will nurture us inside our fences and keep things that will harm us outside.

If you have never questioned set boundaries, or experienced conflict with your family members, you may not have an adult-to-adult connection with your family. If you have no other __est friends_ than your family, you need to take a close look at those relationships. You may be afraid of becoming an autonomous adult.

It is extremely important to be able to make negative assertions. We must be able to say what is __ot me_ in order to have a __e_. What we like has no meaning unless we know what we don__ like. Our yes has no meaning if we never say no. My chosen profession has no passion if __ust anyone would do_. Our opinions and thoughts mean very little if there is nothing we disagree with.

Even with the desire for a better life, we can be reluctant to do the work of boundaries because it will be a war. The battle falls into two categories: outside resistance we get from others and the resistance we get from ourselves.

Be wary of someone who has never failed, or seem to have no faults... Too good to be true usually is. Perfection hides something.

When we ask we are owning our needs. Asking for love, comfort or understanding is a transaction between two people. You are saying: I have a need. It's not your problem. It's not your responsibility. You don't have to respond, but I'd like something from you. This frees the other person to connect with you freely and without obligation. When we own that our needs are our responsibility we allow others to love us because we have something to offer. Asking is a far cry from demanding. When we demand love, we destroy it.