Molly Harper

Does Hallmark make a __orry I tried to drink your blood and touched you in a vaguely inappropriate manner_ card? I settled for __ow much do you remember?

You can't worry about the future so much that you miss out on the present.

I am a disaster magnet. I came home from our first anniversary vacation with jellyfish stings, a puncture wound from a wrought iron pineapple and a cork-shaped bruise in my cleavage.

Sophie was a walking truth serum. If she was touching bare skin, she could yank the truth out of you like a loose tooth. I__ spent several unpleasant hours in her company during the Council__ screening process for humans who planned to work with vampires. That__ when I learned that you don__ refer to Buffy, the Winchesters, or even the Frog Brothers from The Lost Boys in front of Council officials. They do not have a sense of humor about that sort of entertainment.

Love? Love is for children and poor people...

Vampirism: (n) 1. The condition of being a vampire, marked by the need to ingest blood and extreme vulnerability to sunlight. 2. The act of preying upon others for financial or emotional gain. 3. A gigantic pain in the butt.

Aunt Jettie: "yes, i'm wandering the earth seeking revenge on ben & jerry for giving me the fat a$$ and coronary & I give out love advice to the tragically lonely."jane: "Is that an ironic eternal punishment for the lady who died an eighty-one year old spinster." jettie: "single by choice you twirp."jane: "banshee."jettie: "bloodsucker.

Up until two years ago, I was one of the top-selling real estate agents in the tricounty area. I went to a convention in Boca Raton. I had one too many margaritas, met a tall, pale, and handsome man in the bar, and woke up a vampire.""I was mistaken for a deer and got shot," I offered.""Oh.

In a werewolf pack, you cannot interfere with the mate choice of a clan fellow. You cannot intentionally harm that werewolf__ chosen mate. You are not, however, required to help that person should he find himself in a life - threatening situation.Somehow, Zeb had managed to stumble into several such situations in the few months since he __ been engaged to Jolene. He__ had several hunting __ccidents_ while visiting the McClaine farm, even though he didn__ hunt. The brakes on his car had failed while he was driving home from the farm__wice. Also, a running chainsaw mysteriously fell on him from a hayloft.He would never get that pinkie toe back.

The scent of growth, quiet and green, hung heavy in the air. I heard everything. I saw everything. I could count the craters on the moon. I could count every mosquito buzz past, bypassing my tender skin out of respect for a fellow bloodsucker.

Welcome to the fascinating world of the undead! Please use this guidebook as ahandy reference as you make your first steps toward eternity. Inside you will findinformation on vampire nutrition, relationships, and safety. But before learningabout your future, a word about our past__rom The Guide for the Newly Undead

Most of the funeral stuff is going to be done during daylight hours,_ I said. ____ not even going to be able to attend the burial. Humans get upset when vampires burst into flames right next to them.

I am not the kind of girl who trusts a man to tell her everything she needs to know in his own due time, so I did some research on my sire. You can take the girl out of the library, but you can't take the neurotic, compulsively curious librarian out of the girl.

Don__ tell them he__ upstairs , I commanded my brain. Tell them he moved to Pacoima to start a commune for vegetarian vampires. Tell them he__ looking into getting a sex-change operation and renaming himself Lulu Pleshette.

...I supplied in a tone so saccharine that it should have tipped him off that his testicular health was in serious peril.

Ophelia was beating some poor underling for not knowing her arse from the sparse collection of cells between her ears.

Wal-mart started selling "Vampire Home Defense Kits", including holy water, crosses, stakes, mallets, and a book of quick blessings to bar vampires from your door. The fact that these kits were generally useless didn't bother me nearly as much as the idea of holy water being sold at wal-mart.

Vampirism: (n) 1. The condition of being a vampire, marked by the need to ingestblood and extreme vulnerability to sunlight. 2. The act of preying upon others forfinancial or emotional gain. 3. A gigantic pain in the butt.