Robert Benchley

Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini.

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

New York - The city where the people from Oshkosh look at the people from Dubuque in the next theater seats and say "These New Yorkers don't dress any better than we do.

Central Park is the grandiose symbol of the front yard each child in New York hasn't got.

The problem of what to wear while lolling about the house on a Sunday afternoon is becoming more and more acute as the fashions in lolling garments change. The American home is in danger of taking on the appearance of an Oriental bordello.

The only cure for a real hangover is death.

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.