humor

Nice day for a funeral.

Fox Jung...I dunno why I get so hungry whenever I see you. Just once...if I could swallow you up in one bite, just once...I'd never need anything else.""Now, I'm really scared...that one day, I'll open my eyes and find myself inside your stomach.

[Dream] I do not want a grape.[Desire] I could make you want one.

His proximity, that damn smile, just makes me hot in all the right places, but also pissed as hell. I don__ know if I should knee him in the balls or hump his leg like a bitch in heat.

I had a dream that Zac Effron showed up at my door shirtless with a bouquet of flowers..yep, I__ still waiting on that one to come true.

There are people who feel they should be with you, but something is preventing them from coming close. Please can you just lower the frequency of your stern looking face and smile...and they will make you their habit.

I'm not going to touch her," he said "She's not mine.She never will be.""Indeed." Bruiser rolled his eyes and dusted off his hat. "Definitely no years of pent-up lusting there. Glad we have that sorted.

You have to watch them all the time,_ she assured me darkly. __ven if the spirit__ willing, the flesh is weak!

Simon: So were you following me? Or is it just an amazing coincidence that you happened to be on the roof of a building I was walking by when I got attacked?Jace: I was following you.Simon: Is this the part where you tell me you're secretly in love with me?

He'd bet his right nut her skin would taste as good as it smelled.

Let me know when you're ready to talk." She stopped and glanced at them both over her shoulder. "Maybe then I'd be ready to discuss your sexual twists and my own little abnormal desires. You never know what we all might learn that we haven't already."With that, she turned and moved back into the house, closing the door behind her and disappearing out of sight. And Cam found his back slammed against the side of Ian's Hummer, his brother in his face.Lust and irritation flared in his brother's eyes. "You better start talking," he grated. "Because you know what she just did?""She just dared us, Cam. And I don't know about you, but the thought of 'abnormal desires' dancing through her mind is going to drive me fucking crazy. Now, fix it.

Lust? I have no desire to incite lust in anyone."Veliss turned to her with a quizzical expression, her smile suddenly genuine. "Then I'm afraid you're in for a lifetime of disappointment.

Eyes narrowed, Judd stared at the structure as if at a mortal enemy. Slapping his fellow lieutenant on the shoulder, Riaz said, "Don't even think about it." A pissed-off telekinetic versus the complex metal pylons and tubes of the jungle gym- the results would not be pretty.Judd glanced at his watch. "I'll destroy it later.

Deep down, Story Easton knew what would happen if she attempted to off herself__he would fail It was a matter of probability. This was not a new thing, failure. She was, had always been, a failure of fairy-tale proportion. Quitting wasn__ Story__ problem. She had tried, really tried, lots of things during different stages of her life__irl Scours, the viola, gardening, Tommy Andres from senior year American Lit__ut zero cookie sales, four broken strings, two withered azalea bushes, and one uniquely humiliating breakup later, Story still had not tasted success, and with a shriveled-up writing career as her latest disappointment, she realized no magic slippers or fairy dust was going to rescue her from her Anti-Midas Touch. No Happily Ever After was coming. So she had learned to find a certain comfort in failure. In addition to her own screw-ups, others_ mistakes became cozy blankets to cuddle, and she snuggled up to famous failures like most people embrace triumph. The Battle of Little Bighorn__ thing of beauty. The Bay of Pigs__elicious debacle. The Y2K Bug__orgeously disappointing fuck-up. Geraldo__ anti-climactic Al Capone exhumation__ops! Jaws III__eaven on film. Tattooed eyeliner__yelids everywhere, revolting. Really revolting. Fat-free potato chips__ood Lord, makes anyone feel successful.

For thirty minutes I sat back and felt the glimmer of pride that historically precedes the most catastrophic falls.

Nowadays the standards had plummeted so far that I failed even at being a failure. I silently packed up. Nothing else was left. They had even robbed me of self-pity

Failure is not an option. It just happens all the time. Like, all the time.

The reason God never fails is because he fears to fail