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Cole,_ I said, __o you think I__ lovable?___s in __uddly and_?___s in __ble to be loved,__ I said.Cole__ gaze was unwavering. Just for a moment, I had the strange idea that I could see exactly what he had looked like when he was younger, and exactly what he__ look like when he was older. It was piercing, a secret glimpse of his future. __aybe,_ he said. __ut you won__ let anybody try.__ closed my eyes and swallowed. __ can__ tell the diference between not fighting,_ I said,__nd giving up.__espite my eyelids being tightly shut, a single, hot tear ran out of my left eye. I was so angry that it had escaped. I was so angry.Beneath me, the bed tipped as Cole edged closer. I felt him lean over me. His breath, warm and measured, hit my cheek. Two breaths. Three. Four. I didn__ know what I wanted. Then I heard him stop breathing, and a second later, I felt his lips on my mouth. It wasn__ the sort of kiss I__ had with him before, hungry, wanting, desperate. It wasn__ the sort of kiss I__ had with anyone before. This kiss was so soft that it was like a memory of a kiss, so careful on my lips that it waslike a memory of a kiss, so careful on my lips that it was like someone running his fingers along them. My mouth parted and stilled; it was so quiet, a whisper, not a shout. Cole__ hand touched my neck, thumb pressed into theskin next to my jaw. It wasn__ a touch that said __ need more_. It was a touch that said __ want this.__t was all completely soundless. I didn__ think either of us was breathing.Cole sat back up, slowly, and I opened my eyes. His expression, as ever, was blank, the face he wore when something mattered.He said, __hat__ how I would kiss you, if I loved you.