Carrie Jones

I sob and clutch my stuffed bunny. Nick leaps up on my bed and squashes his body against mine, nuzzling my face with his muzzle until I lift it enough for him to lick away my tears.While the pixie rages downstairs, I wrap my arms around Nick__ furry body and cry into him. My shoulders quake from the effort of it. He whimpers once or twice and tries to lick my face some more, but mostly he watches the door, and eventually I stop with the pathetic sobbing stuff and just keep crying.

Daddy?_____ right here, baby.__umps form in my throat, going all the way down into the core of me.It__ his voice. His. Right there. I reach toward the doorknob but I don__ get to turn it.Nick smashes at me with his head, pushing against my lower jaw and cheek, like a blow. His muzzle moves my head away from the door. He presses his face in between me and the wood. Fur gets in my mouth. I spit it out and push at him.__hat__ my dad. My dad._ I slap the door. __e__ on the other side. The pixies will get him.__ick shows me his teeth.__ can__ lose him again, Nick.__he wolf snarls like he__ ready to bite. My head jerks back and away, but then I steady myself.__et . . . out . . . of . . . the . . . way.__ushing against his thick neck, I slam my hands against him over and over again, pummeling him. He doesn__ budge.__ove!_ I order. __ove.___ara, is there a wolf in there with you? Do not trust him,_ my dad__ voice says, calmly, really calmly.I grab a fistful of fur and freeze. All at once it hits me that something is not right. My dad would never be calm if I was in my bedroom with a wolf. He__ be stressed and screaming, breaking the door down, kicking it in like he did once when I was really little and had accidentally locked myself in the bathroom and couldn__ get the lock out of the bolt because it was so old. He__ kicked that door down, splintering the wood, clutching me to him. He__ kissed my forehead over and over again.____ never let anything happen to you, princess,_ he__ said. __ou__e my baby.__y dad would be kicking the door in. My dad would be saving me.__et me in,_ he says. __ara . . .__etting go of Nick, I stagger backward. My hands fly up to my mouth, covering it.Nick stops snarling at me and wags his fluffy tail.How would my dad know that it is a wolf in here and not a dog? How would he know that it isn__ pixies?I shudder. Nick pounds next to me, pressing his side against my legs. I drop my hands and plunge my fingers into his fur, burying them there, looking for something. Maybe comfort. Maybe warmth. Maybe strength. Maybe all three.

Nick spreads cream cheese on my bagel for me because it__ hard to do with one hand. You need to hold the bagel and everything.__ou are the nicest boyfriend ever,_ I tell him and kiss his cheek.__ag,_ Devyn says.__ou__e just jealous,_ Nick teases him and points his plastic knife at Devyn. __hich is ridiculous because you are the star of the school now that the wheelchair is totally gone. Everyone is talking about you.___tar of the school?_ Devyn asks. He takes a swig of Gatorade.__ll the girls._ Nick gestures to the girls giggling behind them. __hey like miracles. It__ sexy. Remember how much play Jay Dahlberg got when he came back from being abducted?_ He does not add by pixies because he does not have to.__eally?_ Devyn does this cheesy and really fake eyebrow wiggle thing so he looks like some sleezy porn dog.

We all line up except for this guy in a wheelchair, Devyn. He smiles at me when I line up, introduces himself. He has a movie star smile, just white teeth and charisma, big eyes, dark skin. He__ be perfect looking if he didn__ have such a large nose, but the truth is it looks good on him, natural and powerful. He winks at Issie, who blushes.__ou can do it, Is,_ he says.She rolls her eyes, twists her lip, and says, __s long as I don__ pass out.___f you pass out, I__l put you in my lap and wheel you across the finish line,_ he says, and it somehow isn__ sleazy because you can tell by his eyes how much he cares about Issie. I instantly like him.She blushes worse. Her face looks like she__ already sprinted a mile.

Why would I want to fit in?

I meet his eyes. They are deep and almost mesmerizing. Did I say deep before? Yeah, right. That__ not it. They have a pull to them, like currents, like Velcro or something, totally captivating, like when you see a convertible flipped over on the highway and there are body bags and you don__ want to look but you look because you can__ look, because you can__ not look, because you are just riveted and . . .Stop. Just stop.

Hate is a useless emotion.

My fingers try to grab onto the net. I__ pulled away too quickly, dragged through the snow. Everything is white and flying and painful.__ick!__ claw at the snow, trying to slow down. There__ nothing to hold on to. I kick and kick. The hands clutch my ankles. Flipping my torso over I get one quick glance of their backs. They__e wearing parkas and hats and look normal, like people, but faster. I smash onto my face again and lift up my head just in time to see Nick snarling inside the net. He__ transformed again.__ick!_ I yell, but snow pours into my mouth. Sharp cold pain smashes through my teeth and into my skull. I cough and try again. __ick!__e raises himself up onto four legs and howls, a long, searing cry of anguish and rage.My heart breaks for him, caught there. I have to help him escape. I have to get free.I kick again. __et me go.__ain shoots through my head. Fireworks. Explosions. All inside my brain. The white world goes dark and I know what__ about to happen. I__ the one leaving. I am the one gone.

How does that put me in danger?_ Nick asks. It__ the first question he__ asked the entire time. Devyn, however, has been Mr. Nonstop Wondering Question Guy.__ecause . . ._ I don__ know how to say it, struggle for the words. __ecause you and I are a thing and you__e a threat.___ou better believe I__ a threat,_ Nick growls. The entire car seems to shake with his energy. Little hairs on my arm lift and vibrate.__e__ going macho again,_ Dev says, totally nonchalantly, while he unlocks the door.__e__ always going macho,_ Is adds. __t must be the wolf thing.___ am not going macho. I am always macho,_ Nick says, and for a moment the tension ratchets down, but then his face muscles become rigid again.

He roars, __hat have you done?__ don__ answer. My heart beats crazy happy just to see her get across the iron. She__ not burned. She__ still human.__ara._ His voice is measured. __ need her to maintain control.___ou don__ need to be in control. You__e all trapped. So there__l be no more stealing boys, no more shooting arrows in the woods, getting people lost. It__ all over._ The metal is cold on my fingers.Devyn grabs more wire, starts another flight. A group of pixies leaps for him, screaming, a wild, chaotic mess. They start clawing at each other, lost in fear and hunger, angry. A pixie in a pink dress shrieks when another wearing a black gown lashes at her, slashing through the skin on her arm.__ara?_ The king tries to be calm and nice. He tries to look human. It doesn__ work. __o you know what this means? Do you know the power that I__l lose? The need? We will fight in here. We will kill each other.___ know,_ I say and my voice shakes as I stare at him, this man who is in my blood, but not me. He is not me. Still, I understand his need, his fear. He is stuck in this awful place where there is no moral way to move forward. ____ so sorry.__nd I am.

What I have learned lately is that people deal with death in all sorts of ways. Some of us fight against it, doing everything we can to make it not true. Some of us lose our selves to grief. Some of us lose ourselves to anger.

It is warm within the mansions of Hel.

And do you admit that you have a bad temper, a cute car, and a nice girlfriend?__ hold my breath.__ have an amazing girlfriend,_ he says. And then he kisses me, which is, you have to admit, the perfect boyfriend thing to do. The kiss is soft and speckling like star promises in a night sky. I stretch into it, wishing that I could hold onto it forever, even though I know that kisses can__ last forever__an they?

Zara._ He sighs. The wind bellows outside. __ow can I make you understand this? I need your mom. If I don__ get her, more boys will die.___hat__ ridiculous.___o, it__ just how it is.__ think for a second. __f that__ true, then why did Ian try to turn me?__e loses his composure. His face shifts into something worried, something almost human. __id he kiss you?___lmost. Betty killed him first.__e almost smiles. He pulls his hand through his hair. __etty is fierce.___s that why you stay away when she__ here?___ot even a pixie wants to tangle with a tiger.__e blows on the ember in his hand. It turns to dust.__ou seem like you could handle almost anything,_ I say.__his?_ He smirks. __arlor tricks.

Oh._ I touch my cheeks. __ou licked me.__e laughs and leans over, giving a tiny tongue swipe to my hand. __ou__e very lickable.__ try to hit him. He laughs harder and grabs my hands.__o fair! Mere mortal against werewolf,_ I complain.__ine.__e lets go, but first he kisses my fingers, each of them. I sigh happily.

We kiss for a long time, a good long time. I don__ even notice that it__ cold and I forget to be afraid because that__ just how good a kisser he is. His lips move above my lips. My lips ache for the touch of him, the softness of his skin. We keep kissing. My hands wrap themselves in his hair. His hand presses me close into him, as close as I can be against him, and he is solid, strong, amazing. My hands leave his hair and journey down to the sides of his face, still tingling.__e should keep going,_ he says, voice gruff and husky again. I love when his voice sounds like that, deeper than normal. His lips puff out a little more, too. __ou__e blushing.__ pull my lips in against each other like I__ still trying to taste him. I move my snowshoes off of his snowshoes. It__ tricky.__ou__e a good kisser,_ I say.__o are you.

My eyes meet his eyes.__ou were a jerk,_ I say.His hands move to my cheeks. ____ sorry.__ pull away, but I can only go an inch before I bump into lacrosse sticks, not that I really want to go any farther. __ope. No way. You do not get to kiss me yet.__e pouts.

His eyes are so beautiful and dark and they do look like that dog____ mean, that wolf__. They are kind and strong and a little bit something else and I like them. I like them a lot. No, I like them way too much. Something inside me gets a little warmer, edges closer to him.The fire crackles and I jump again, jittery, nervous, but I don__ jump away from Nick. I jump toward him. Nick in the firelight with just a blanket on is a little hard to resist, no matter how crazy he might be. His skin, deep with heat, seems to glisten. His muscles are defined and good but not all steroid bulky. He is so perfect. And beautiful. In a boy way. Not a monster way. Not a wolf way.__re you going to kiss me?_ My words tremble into the air.He smiles but doesn__ answer.____e never kissed a werewolf before. Are were kisses like pixie kisses? Do they do something to you? Is that why you never kissed anybody?__e gives a little smile. __o. It__ just I never kissed anyone because I never thought I could be honest about who I am, you know? And I didn__ want anyone to get attached to me because . . .___ecause you__e a werewolf.___ecause I__ a werewolf,_ he repeats softly. Watching his lips move makes me shiver; not in a scared way, in more of an oh-he-is-too-beautiful way.I put my hand against his skin. It is warm. It__ always been warm. He smells so good, like woods and safety. I swallow my fear and move forward, and my lips meet his, angel-light, a tiny promise. His lips move beneath mine. His hands move to my shoulders and my mouth feels like it will burst with happiness. My whole body shakes with it.__ow,_ I say.__eah,_ he says. __ow.__ur mouths meet again. It__ like my lips belong there . . . right there. One tiny part of me has finally found a place to fit.