Daniel Younger

If there__ anything in life that__ an undisputed fact, it__ this: Buildings with strange symbols carved in their lintels are bad news. You rarely find symbols leading to unicorns and fields of candy__nd even that__ bad news if you__e diabetic.

Nice driving, ya doomed fucks!

She waited. She waited so excruciatingly long that she could physically feel the time pass; a binding in her chest, her breath shallow and raspy. Silence seemed to stuff itself in her ears like cotton balls.

The Baron was good with two things: sex, and death. And what was sex anyway__hat was orgasm but what the French (those cunning linguists of the language of love) referred to as a Little Death? What was life but a ticking clock toward the grave, and how did life start but with an unfettered hump toward morning?

Little is known about the love lives of the undead. Really, past the brain-eating, reanimated corpse angle, not much is said for the zombie__ perspective. So they ate brains__ig deal! Sure, they were corpses__o what? Indeed, there was the smell, but whose fault was that?At first glance they were brain-hungry cannibals, (Mmm, brains. Maybe with a little cilantro or a garlic rub__ashed potatoes and brainsloaf__rains pot pie__enne a la brains...) but in reality, zombies were not the mindless man-eaters or virus-addled lunatics jonesing for human flesh depicted in the movies. Just like everything in life__r rather, unlife__hings were more complicated. Zombies were, until very recently, people. And with that came wants, desires, longings. Needs.Asher had been troubled by the zombie loneliness until Brenda, the attractive corpse he__ met in a less animated state earlier, pulled him into the cemetery, threw him down on a slab and shagged him silly.

There are probably more of us. If we__e all zombies, thenthere__ got to be more. I say we go up to the cemetery and find out.___an we get soda on the way?__othing washes down brains better than a can of Coca Cola and a little shameless product placement. (Hey, the undead do have an image problem.)__oda and cemeteries! Soda and cemeteries!_ they chanted. __nd braaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiins!___ey Bernie, you__e getting pretty good at that.___kay, you try.___raaa__ the zombie belched, ___iiinsss.__arl heaved the coroner__ body out of the way. They headed off for the cemetery, each trying furiously to perfect their own, unique and personal call for brains like an undead choir, out of tune.__raaaaiiiiins!_ __raaiiiiiiiinns!_ __raaaaaaaaaains!_ __ray-uns.___hat was just awful._ ...Away into the night.

So, if the zombies are coming to town, why exactly are we coming back here?___on__ call them that.___ut they are____o, they__e not. They__e mutants or science gone awry orsomething. Anything but zombies._ __ow would that be better?

I__ only doing one more,_ Ruby said, scrolling through her phone. __obody likes a day-drunk hussie.___ey, give yourself some credit. You__l be a really cute day- drunk hussie.

Reggie, you wrapped your sports car around a telephone pole after drinking a bar." "Yeah... But I was wearing my seatbelt.

It's worth noting here that dragons are magical creatures. It's also worth following that up with a big, fat, duh.

Awkward conversations. They__e the heart of the drug trade. The driving force that keeps criminals out of jail is paranoia. You can think you know people, but the truth is, you never know who they__e talking to. The life of an outlaw: Around every corner lies a cop. In every basement waits a bust. Every friend is the guy who sells you out to keep his own ass out of jail. Sure, it was rare, but you just never knew.The result was a series of shorthand and euphemisms so obscure even the pros often weren__ sure what they were talking about. Sales became pickups. Pot, ganja, bud, or weed became lettuce, green, happy, herb, smoke... the list went on, and changed from dealer to dealer.

This existenitalist stuff sure is crap

There is a weird kind of anonymity a roller coaster provides: It__ populated, but everyone__ too preoccupied with whirling around the roof of a casino to eavesdrop. It runs a fixed amount of time, has minimal surveillance for lack of a way to descramble the audio, and it__ conveniently out of earshot for certain writer- types who might scribble down the plan.