Elisa Marie Hopkins

Sometimes you get this look in your eyes, like you've just realized I'm edible.""Well, I like looking at you." He angles his head. "Do you know what else I like? I like your thoughts, your imperfections, your lips, your sarcasm, your explosions of anger, your intelligence, your strength of character. I like it all.

If I could do it all over again, I'd probably still leave. Except, this time, I would hold you closer, tighter, longer. I would kiss you a thousand more times, tell you I love you ten thousand more times, have sex with you one million more times. I didn't get it right the first time when you were mine. If I could it all over again, I would value your trust, stand by your actions, and never take score...even though I'm totally winning. So if you can just find it in your heart to shut the hell up and love me, I swear with every fiber of my being that I will spend every possible minute loving you." A smile that flirts with cruelty lifts on his mouth. "Your move. I'm wearing to many clothes.

Because you decided I couldn't take it!" I shout. "You kept the truth from me because you thought I couldn't handle it. You were so wrong! I can take it straight up! That's what hurts me the most. I'm not some fragile thing that needs to be treated like a glass house. It's humiliating and it just pisses me off that you pretend like I'm not strong. I get that you're a man...you feel the need to protect me. I get that you're afraid and my strength feels dangerous to you. And you know what? It should feel that way, because it is. It's power.

We__e just_,_ those blue eyes blaze at me and steal my breath, drawing me in, __ust different people on different paths.__e comes closer, until he__ standing a centimeter away from me. __ook me in the eye and tell me you don__ want me,_ he dares.__esus. Are you really that confident?_____ really that interested.

All right. Let__ pretend I__ so incredibly happy my brain is thinking about rainbows and butterflies and I__ waving good morning to the mailman. I let my guard down. Next thing I know, something takes a dark turn. But I don__ even realize it because I__ over here staring at a bright patch of happy light. All of a sudden, I__e fallen into a hole and have no rope, no ladder, and the walls are too slippery to climb out of. Happiness makes me lose focus. It makes me weak. I can__ stand it. Does that make sense to you now?

He terrifies me, Aunt Peg._ I don__ have the backbone to say it to her face. __liver is such a self-contained person. He__ always so calm, so at ease, so refined. I__ the one who__ always losing my mind over nothing. He is unbelievably amazing in a way I don__ know if I can reciprocate. His voice is calm and patient. It makes me feel like he will sit me down and tell me everything__ going to be okay. And his eyes. Have you seen his eyes? They__e so kind and gentle.

Everything about you fascinates me, Sophie. The smell of your skin. The sound of your voice. Your long legs. Your sense of humor. Your personality. You don__ seem to need me, and if you don__ need me, it is much more gratifying that you want me.

Have you been listening to a word I__e been saying? I don__ do games. I don__ do one-night stands. I don__ do affairs. Usually, when I meet a woman and take interest in her, I will be loyal to her, and only her. I expect the same. I don__ share well. I__ all for exclusiveness in everything I do, and own. I__ not afraid of commitment or hard work. You__e right; I__ not new to this. I__e been in many relationships. This is good news, Sophie. It means I won__ waste your time. Rest assured, if I__ with you it__ because that__ exactly where I want to be. If ever I want out of a relationship, I leave. My commitment ends there. It__ simple enough and this is the only thing that makes sense to me.

Okay, you have to understand I was drunk.___o?___o don__ believe anything I said.___hat about now?___ don__ know. I don__ trust myself around you. Talking to you is like drinking tequila. One minute I__ in control, and the next I_____e holds me hard against him, then he claims my lips, brutally, violently, the way I was secretly hoping he would. And I kiss him back with so much force it nearly knocks all air from my lungs.

You think I don__ know what I want? You think I love the idea of relying on my looks for life? No! It__ pathetic! In my head, I have a nice, quiet, normal job that involves me running my own business. I carry a briefcase around my office with important documents, I have a nice assistant who calls me boss, and people ask me questions__hey ask for my advice because I matter! I__ important to them! I__ recognized as something more than a pretty face and a pair of legs. I have a brain and interests and thoughts about religion, and poverty, and economics. I__ not a miserable girl with a number attached to her chest, stripping her clothes off in a room full of people.

Come on, Oliver. I__ saying no.___s it a fake no? Because your body keeps saying yes.___y body doesn__ know anything.___hat does your heart say?___hat__ number one on my list of unenlightened organs. It believes anything it hears. It__ screwed up in some way.

I can talk to you about my past, Oliver, not to make you pity me or make myself look weak for attention, but to let you know who I was and what happened. What made me cry. What gave me nightmares. I prefer to hide. In fact, I may have even masked the version you know of myself. I can show you my trophy room, gladly. But_I__ afraid to open the door hiding what makes me vulnerable and imperfect.

What are you doing, Sophie?___hat do you think I__ doing?___o you want to leave? Is that it? You want to run away from everything? You want to hide and pretend like it__ not happening? You never let up in that department, do you?___ou don__ understand, Oliver, and I__ not going to explain it to you.___eah, well, go ahead, if this is what you want then leave. Leave me. But know that if you leave and anything happens to you, I will lose myself. You hear me? I will lose myself.___hat about me? I__e lost myself already._____l bring you back. This is your home. Whatever it takes, I__ here. Look at me. I__ here. I want to be with you. Don__ keep me away. Not now.

We don't lie to protect the other person. We lie to protect ourselves from the consequences. We lie because we don't want to deal with our own feelings. We lie because we don't want things to change. Not by our hand. So a wall starts to build.