Elmer Pasta

He must really be a big success - even his mother-in-law admits it.

You can easily tell he's a newlywed because he's still smiling at his mother-in-law.

The only way she could get a standing ovation would be if she sang "The Star-Spangled Banner."

She is such a health food nut she thinks a grape is wine in pill form.

Here's a toast to someone who's truly a best friend - a person who goes around telling good things behind your back.

For him any wine dated before four o'clock in the afternoon is vintage.

Let's toast a real wine expert - someone who knows a good rose goes best with bologna sandwiches.

He is at an age that whenever a pretty girl smiles at him he immediately looks down to see what is unzipped.

She claims she just turned thirty but it must have been a U-turn!