H. Kirk Rainer

In the closing of this chapter, Lutzer describes the choice of forgiveness in more detail: 'Without both honesty andforgiveness, there can be no freedom from the fits of rage.'What happens through the years when such anger is left unattended or is unresolved (or forgiveness is not pursued)? Without forgiveness, does the anger dissipate or possibly fade away? I don__ think so; but instead, anger continues in one__ life and is carried into their adulthood. What kind or level of control can manifest (or grow) in this unresolved anger; and as for the person or carrier, what can be expected of their heart and soul?

eRemember though, that happiness can never be achieved through the expectations levied on another; such a notion is not doomed to fail__ut is just doomed! Happiness can never be achieved through the distress or destruction that one imposes on the other person. When a child, now grown-up, does not resolve their deep-seeded anger with a parent or parents, the __ther person_ plays Hell trying to make-up for it. Married, divorced or dead, the 'other person' can never replace what was lost so muchearlier in the life and soul of the oppressed. Forgiveness must be the course for any future, substantive relationships.

In the depression, was I ever suicidal; or in other words, did I ever think about taking my life? I__ not sure if I ever pondered this act but, honestly, I did not care whether I lived or died; for to me, death had already taken place__nd it seemed to be worse as disbelief gave way to shock_and then reality.

If we reward our children for doing the right things, or discipline for intentionally doing the wrong things, then we might be viewed as doing the right thing. On the other hand, we (or parents) might not fully grasp the right thing__s the __ight thing_ becomes convoluted in the mix of the time and period, the latest __rand experiment_, and other influences of parenthood and childrearing.

If children matter, than whom more to stand in the gap than their parents; yet sadly, the parents (or a parent) can ironically become the chief enemy for which the children may hold in contempt_rather than care. Under the __buse card_, the custodial parent has the aforementioned ability to operate as a double agent: on the one-side, the protector and caretaker; while on the other side, the divider and abuser. Similarly, the state can be integral to The System of dismantling the dad while appearing (and attesting) to be acting in the best interest of the children. Within the second of these two is the divorce industry that has benefited from the spoils of war without regard to the incomparable costs borne by our community and culture.

If there is such a thing as depression and despair, I experienced it during the months leading-up to and following the divorce. Insomnia, constant and uncontrollable thoughts and a deep sense of loss were among the conditions of my life. Was I depressed? Yes, I was very much so and, what__ worse, was determined to do nothing immediately for it.

The conception of marriage that he formed as a young person and envisioned as an adult has been marred by circumstances that he believes could have been overcome without divorce. Yet, he still believes in marriage_ the commitments and promises_. Coinciding with his commitments (and promises) is a very powerful force that he perceives as not only able, but is actually working to dismantle fathers, families and even faith if that were possible.

I am grieved for my children__nd boy__ in particular__hat this modern age is emasculating men under the guise of __he best interest of the children_.

I acknowledge that a wife does (and should) exercise a degree of control in the family and home; but what I present is not a constructive form aimed at supporting a healthy relationship, but a destructive form that__hether intended or not__estroys a relationship through the invocation of fear and flight rather than love and commitment. I also propose that this method or __evice_ (as I have called it) was learned in part from a very young age from her parents.

You cannot begin to understand the failure of marriage__r the living of these ideas commitment or covenant__ithout considering and factoring in the devaluing of fatherhood. The two are inextricably linked and dependent.

How can you be a 'Former-Father'? Is it possible to be a father but, because someone or something is determined to illegalize it, being a father becomes a thing of the past? Should you simply consign yourself to be effectively dead to your living children; as though the fact of being their father has somehow been terminated, nullified or otherwise, deemed non-existent? I believe the basic answer to be 'No!

If I formed the questions correctly, then perhaps the immediate answer might be in the vein of earlier responses to questions of what is right or wrong; that is, that there is not a clear-cut answer. What is certain is that avowed Christians were among the Founding-Fathers and, by way of the resulting documents and discourse, did influence the formation of a new nation_under God. And while some may have held to the new nation as a 'City upon the Hill', others may have realized the marked difference between man__ government and that of God.

The criminalization of a non-custodial in not uncommon; such extreme measures of the divorce and post-divorce process can be described as common practice. Stephen Baskerville describes this consequence of no-fault in the article, __ivorced from Reality.

On the eve of our marriage, there might have been good reason to really ask, __hat is marriage?_ Is it the impression and expectation that this man can make me happy__an be a savior that helps me forget the tragedy of my parents_ failed relationship as well as my own as his child? What is certain is that marriage was not to be a commitment or covenant.

Fear is a subject that I have become increasingly aware of__he result of a period that I call post-divorce. Admittedly aware of the general concerns about __alling_ too, I am more concerned about the burdens of a non-custodial__he dilemma of parental alienation with absolute liability for financial support. If any 'positive' aspect could be extracted from the non-custodial lifestyle, it is the accelerated-track toward financial distress and familial disparity. What may have occurred in the 1930s in a mass economic-downward spiral of society has similarity to the consequences of the divorce__s I see it.

My association of jail to high school is probably on the basic similarity of a communicable social-setting. These few settings represent a frame of reference: a somewhat fraternal order (though I never belonged to an actual fraternity) where people collect__nd may be confined__nd somewhat coalesce on a common cause. Jail was a remarkable and unique experience of fellows/fathers and a force of several_.

A faraway-father is distant from his children; not necessarily in geography, but socially__ither by choice or by force. Our country has many fathers who are figuratively-forced far and away from their families. Legal force brings to bear disparate dads through such innovations as no-fault divorce, legal precedence, and post-divorce incrimination. I am one of these parents__ortrayed or profiled as 'perpetrator'.

Jail is more commonly-suited to those less-commonly able to finance a defense (or to potentially pander the prosecution). The choices for council is either a retained lawyer or, by default, a public defender. In the later of these two, the common title in jail was 'public pretender'.