Helen Ellis

I scroll through iPhone photos and see that if I delete pictures of myself with a double chin, I will erase all proof of my glorious life.

A pink razor is like a mouse, where ever it is the pussy will follow.

Take it from catsIf someone moves to make room for you, take up more room. If someone is looking over there, there__ something to see. If somebody sneezes, run. If someone brings a bag into your home, look inside it. If you don__ want someone to leave, sit on his suitcase. Clean between your toes. Flaunt your full figure. Hide loose change. Even though you can take care of yourself, it__ okay to let someone be nice to you. It__ fine to take a nap on the laundry. If you stand in a kitchen long enough, someone will feed you. If you__e alone in bed, use all the pillows. Just because it__ gorgeous outside doesn__ mean you have to go outside. Just because you can fit into something tight doesn__ mean that you belong in it. If you trust someone, open yourself like a cheap umbrella. If you want to be left alone, park yourself in a closet. If you want to surprise someone, lie in a bathtub and then jerk back the curtain when he sits on the toilet. If you__e not interested, don__ look interested. You don__ have to chase every bird that you see.