Laura Davis

Survivors often develop an exaggerated need for control in their adult relationships. It__ the only way they feel safe. They also struggle with commitment__aying yes in a relationship means being trapped in yet another family situation where abuse might take place. So the survivor panics as her relationship gets closer, certain that something terrible is going to happen. She pulls away, rejects, or tests her partner all the time.

Many survivors insist they__e not courageous: __f I were courageous I would have stopped the abuse._ __f I were courageous, I wouldn't be scared_... Most of us have it mixed up. You don__ start with courage and then face fear. You become courageous because you face your fear.

Although healing brings a better life, it also threatens to permanently alter life as you__e known it. Your relationships, your position in the world, even your sense of identity may change. Coping patterns that have served you for a lifetime will be called into question. When you make the commitment to heal, you risk losing much of what is familiar. As a result one part of you may want to heal while another resists change.

Often feelings of shame, powerlessness, and self-hate are bottled up with the memories, and as the memories come through, these feelings do, too.Yet healing isn't just about pain. It's about learning to love yourself.

Abuse manipulates and twists a child__ natural sense of trust and love. Her innocent feelings are belittled or mocked and she learns to ignore her feelings. She can__ afford to feel the full range of feelings in her body while she__ being abused__ain, outrage, hate, vengeance, confusion, arousal. So she short-circuits them and goes numb. For many children, any expression of feelings, even a single tear, is cause for more severe abuse. Again, the only recourse is to shut down. Feelings go underground.