Lisa Diamond

For those of us who question, your whole life becomes a question. Do you then reach some level of understanding, and then it's static? I don't think so" (age twenty-two, unlabeled)

Although most of the women I interviewed felt that their sexualattractions paralleled their emotional attachments, this was not alwaysthe case. In fact, women reported that on average, the percentageof physical same-sex attractions they experienced differedfrom their emotional same-sex attractions by about 15 percentagepoints in either direction (in other words, some women were moreemotionally than physically drawn to women, whereas others weremore physically than emotionally drawn). A small number ofwomen reported discrepancies of up to 40 percentage points.Like women with nonexclusive attractions, women with significantgaps between their emotional and physical feelings oftenfaced challenges in selecting a comfortable identity label. They hadto decide whether their sexual identity was better categorized bypatterns of __ove_ or patterns of __ust,_ and they had to forecastwhat sort of relationships they might desire in the future. Manyof these women found it difficult to make these determinations.Sue, for example, felt that her attractions were riddled withcontradictions: __ prefer to make out with men, but the idea of havingsex with a man utterly repulses me. I would, however, like tomarry a woman, and that__ who I want to make a long-term commitmentto.

(...) I think your definition changes based on your experiences." (age twenty-two, bisexual)Six years later, this same woman noted:"I date both men and women, but i don't like the word "bisexual", because I think it implies polarity. I guess I started thinking about this around 4 1/2 years ago, when I was involved in a long-term committed relationship with a man, but a queer man. And it made me redefine things, because I didn't believe that a queer man and a queer woman together in a relationship like ours was conventionally heterosexual." (age twenty-eight, bisexual)

Antigay activists have historically maintained that same-sex sexuality is a lifestyle choice that should be discouraged, deemed illegitimate, and even punished by the culture at large. In other words, if lesbian/gay/bisexual people to not have to be gay but are simply choosing a path of decadence and deviance, then the government should have no obligation to protect their civil rights or honor their relationships; to the contrary, the state should actively condemn same-sex sexuality and deny it legal and social recognition in order to discourage others from following that path.Not surprisingly, advocates for gay/lesbian/bisexual rights see things differently. They counter that sexual orientation is not a matter of choice but an inborn trait that is much beyond an individual's control as skin or eye color. Accordingly, since gay/lesbian/bisexual individuals cannot choose to be heterosexual, it is unethical to discriminate against them and to deny legal recognition to same-sex relationships.(...)Perhaps instead of arguing that gay/lesbian/bisexual individuals deserve civil rights because they are powerless to change their behavior, we should affirm the fundamental rights of all people to determine their own emotional and sexual lives.