Phil Volatile

America__here we hate our fathers, love our mothers, andeveryone is hung up on tryingto be a man

We had scar-tissueromance and ours wasa relationship of sayinggoodbye__very timewe fought, every timewe fucked, and every timewe called it quits, beforepicking up our knivesagain

I don__ need the facts. I__ a Pisces.

I pawned the remote to my misery,trading it in for liquor that was cheap;screwdrivers for my vitamin c,and a little bloodstream to my IV,helping to soothe my lunacy

Now I__sober and Irealize, Ididn__ drink toescape the world,I drank to escapemyself

I traded in myfreedom fora needy, whinyand defiantfour-year-old,a junky girlfriend,and a relationshipriddled withsomeone else__problemsNow, I stareout of openwindows likea wild mustangcraving openfieldsI clench mycrotch, wheremy ballsused to be,and I hum aloathsome tune,like an out-of-work castratowho__ realized his dreams of someday having his own familyare gone

It__ sadthat burnt marshmallowsmake me think ofmethamphetamine,when theyshould bringback childhoodmemories ofs__ores

Too many codeine pills,Too many nights of cold chillsToo many weak-handed dealsToo many lives, the addict steals

We aim to bemen who__l makeour mothers proud,but we end upmaking them cry,and are onlyslightly betterthan our fathers,at best

Because any guilt the sizeof a speck of dust, or shame,can crush even the best of men,in mountains of weight

Some days I__trying to forcea smile sohard it feelslike I mightshit my pants

When I was achild my worldwasn__ blackand white,it was grey,until I gotbeat upenough timesto realizemy skin wasbeige, anddifferent

I can remember whendelusions of grandeur entailed wanting tobe a rock star, movie star,a millionaire; to make itas a writer__ow it seems that it__to want to earn adecent living

We should__e thrown fucking riots the first time they had us ring up and bag our owngroceries

He was tiredof being calleda fag and teasedfor his sexualityby one of the guards,so he tried to hanghimself, twiceThe kid got a littlecloser the secondtime, but I won__ bearound to see athird

Love, is a Bloody Razor BladeLove came like fire from aboveand disappeared like a wet dream,underneath a leaky kitchen sinkFor weeks it went drip, drip, drip_until it could be, eventually fixedIt took a long time to depreciateall the things I never had to sayBut there are only so many things that make sense at the endThe rest is merely X-Acto knife love, andLove, is a bloody razor blade

What simple andordinary lives we live,underneath the shadowsof projection screenartists

When Pisces go to war, there__ never a shortage of broken hearts.