Sharon E. Rainey

With each opportunity before me, God presented me with a choice. I could accept His offerings, His wisdom, His grace. Or I could choose to hold onto the pain, the anger and the resentment a little longer.

Life is messy. Grit and grace come at us fast, side by side. Sometimes the grit becomes overwhelming and diminishes our spirit. What__ good seems lost and gone forever. This is a story about the pathway back to what__ beautiful, when the way back seems impossible.

When I could find something to laugh about for 30 minutes, my grief lightened just enough to make the day bearable.

Forgiveness does not mean I approve of or condone what transpired.

I have learned through repeated experiences that in order to heal, I MUST forgive. The forgiveness is not for the transgressor. The forgiveness is for ME.

As a sufferer of depression for many years, I know the importance of trying to find positive experiences in each day, no matter how small.

I did the only thing I knew how to do: I built my own walls of silence to disguise my desperation and what later came to be recognized and diagnosed as depression.

I thought by masking the depression with silence, the feelings might disappear.

Through each crisis in my life, with acceptance and hope, in a single defining moment, I finally gained the courage to do things differently.

I__ not __ifferent_ from anyone else. Crises and tough emotional periods are the grit around which my inner self has been formed. Some, I have come through with more grace than others.

When I left my first marriage, I left the insanity, the indifference, the negativity. In my world, LOVE MUST WIN. It can__ just be the answer. It must conquer all evil, all hatred, all indifference. Yes, Love is the always the answer, no matter the question. But Love always wins. Love always conquers (if we allow it).

Extreme emotional pain has a profound effect on the body. I witnessed my already frail body become even more toxic and plundered.

Forgiveness enables me to walk away from that pain, the loneliness and suffering.

In that instant, I realized that if I focused on the pain and misery, it would take me longer to heal. When chronic pain is my most often companion, it can be challenging to keep looking for the good. I needed to figure out a way to focus on the positive moments of each day. I needed to see where I was improving and healing.

We are exquisite souls housed in physical bodies.

Laughter lightens my heart and therefore heals my soul as well.

I had to clear up my messy life. By letting go of the debris and filth, I have come to a deeper, more soulful beauty and clarity like an oasis in the desert. From that place of clarity, a vision of what I could have, what I could do, who I could be has emerged if I allow my heart to become a place of compassion, acceptance and forgiveness.

This is where life as I knew it changed. This is where a new feeling slowly, eventually, permeated every cell of my body, changing the way I took in the world. My perceptions, opinions, everything changed the year I moved from Texas to Virginia.