Will Rogers

To make money buy some good stock hold it until it goes up and then sell it. If it doesn't go up don't buy it.

The only thing that can stop hair from falling ... is the floor.

It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble it's what we know that ain't so.

I don't know what humor is.

Everybody is ignorant only on different subjects.

We are all here for a spell get all the good laughs you can.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggie" until you can find a rock.

This thing of being a hero about the main thing to it is to know when to die.

Being a hero is about the shortest-lived profession on earth.

There ain't nothing but one thing wrong with every one of us and that's selfishness.

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

There is nothing so stupid as an educated man if you get off the thing that he was educated in.

The schools ain't what they used to be and never was.

Don't gamble take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up then sell it. If it don't go up don't buy it.

A holding company is the people you give your money to while you're being searched.

You know, everybody's ignorant, just on different subjects.

Even if you're on the right track you'll get run over if you just sit there.