With no blame there's no shame. A human society can't exist without shame. Shame is like handedness or walking upright. It's a central human attribute. In fact, it's the first human quality ever recorded.''Where?''Genesis, Chapter Three. The covering of nakedness. The acquisition of shame was the first consequence of consciousness, of the speciating moment. Take shame from me and you are calling me pre-human.
Healthy people understand that others have the capacity to choose to end relationships and it serves as motivation for them to learn to relate in_healthy and loving ways._However, when we are driven by shame, we don't_just fear_losing a_relationship, but we live in_terror_that if we_let anyone really get to know_us, we would never be_desired,_pursued, or loved. In us, that fear can be worked_out in the_development of unhealthy denial, workaholism, perfectionism, chameleon-type behavior, and sadly, even revictimization... When we live in denial or present a false self out of fear... we will do anything to be accepted by people... When we begin to tell the truth about what happened to us we also begin the process of turning about from this type of idolatry... When we begin to tear away our layers of illegitimate shame... When our own vision is not distorted by our shame we can discern what was our responsibility and what wasn't.
Growing a Passionate Heart
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Healthy people understand that others have the capacity to choose to end relationships and it serves as motivation for them to learn to relate in_healthy and loving ways._However, when we are driven by shame, we don't_just fear_losing a_relationship, but we live in_terror_that if we_let anyone really get to know_us, we would never be_desired,_pursued, or loved. In us, that fear can be worked_out in the_development of unhealthy denial, workaholism, perfectionism, chameleon-type behavior, and sadly, even revictimization... When we live in denial or present a false self out of fear... we will do anything to be accepted by people... When we begin to tell the truth about what happened to us we also begin the process of turning about from this type of idolatry... When we begin to tear away our layers of illegitimate shame... When our own vision is not distorted by our shame we can discern what was our responsibility and what wasn't.
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