despised

But I despised men who accepted their fate. I shaped mine twenty times and had it broken twenty times in my hands.

The shield wall reeks of shit, and all a man wants is to be home, to be anywhere but on this field that prepares for battle, but none of us will turn and run or else we will be despised for ever. We pretend we want to be there, and when the wall at last advances, step by step, and the heart is thumping fast as a bird__ wing beating, the world seems unreal.