A lot of things should have been, Zigmund, but they aren__. Are you going to be miserable about the things you cannot change, or do something about the things you can?
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Maybe if I'd agreed to do the debutante thing like she wanted. Or taken up pageants instead of riding jump bikes with a bunch of grungy boys. I'd always tell her, why can't I do both? Who says you have to be either smart or pretty, or into girly stuff or sports? Life shouldn't be about the either/or. We're capable of more than that, you know?
A Christian is supposed to be in the world, and yet not of the world--a Both/And as perplexing and demanding as the Either/Or that precedes the life of faith. I'm at once a pure, beautiful, genderless soul, but at the same time a gendered body full of flaws, sins, and wanting. This contradiction, the Both/And, is the Cross.
There are, as is known, insects that die in the moment of fertilization. So it is with all joy: life__ highest, most splendid moment of enjoyment is accompanied by death.