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feel

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A writer out of loneliness is trying to communicate like a distant star sending signals. He isn't telling, or teaching, or ordering. Rather, he seeks to establish a relationship with meaning, of feeling, of observing. We are lonesome animals. We spend all our live trying to be less lonesome. And one of our ancient methods is to tell a story, begging the listener to say, and to feel, "Yes, that's the way it is, or at least that's the way I feel it. You're not as alone as you thought." To finish is sadness to a writer, a little death. He puts the last word down and it is done. But it isn't really done. The story goes on and leaves the writer behind, for no story is ever done.

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It wasn't supposed to. It was just supposed to stop you from hurting yourself._ __t helps__ __o it doesn't. It just pushes it away temporarily. Just like the booze._ __ut I need__ __ou need to let yourself feel. Feel it, own it. Then move on._ __ou make it sound so easy._ Bitterness drips from each syllable. __t__ not. It__ the fucking hardest thing a person can do._ I smooth a damp strand out of her face and away from my mouth. __t__ the hardest fucking thing. It__ why we drink and do drugs and fight. It__ why I play music and build engines.

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... but I could also write about love. How a hand can silence thousands of voices and how someone__ smell can make you feel at home even though you__e a million miles away fromhomeand have you ever hurt someone you love? Because you__e angry. Because you__e disappointed and sad and you just really wanted to love and be loved in returnbut life got in the way and you both said things that should never be said and you__e angry but don__ know how to. Because you still feel this strange love for him, but you__e also fucking angry and you want to hit him, but then hug him because hurting him is hurting yourself, and then hit him again because you__e angry! and so you fall on your knees because you__e hopeless to yourself and your own emotionsand that__ love, my friend.

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God__ simple Blessings are nothing short of miracles. That rain drop trapped in a leaf, that glistening dew drop which has just caught the first rays of a new born sun, that sweet song of the Nightingale, those beautiful wooly clouds with their unique designs (have you ever noticed that clouds never make the same design twice- and we humans struggle to draw something new or write something unique), the pit pit patter of the rain creating a music of its own. These are but some of His Blessings that make me look up in awe at our Creator. So caught up are we in our daily lives with our monotonous routine that we fail to notice the millions of miracles happening all around us. Pause. Look around. Notice. Feel. Life is not just about rushing through. It__ also about taking a break.