introductions

We will then hear from the founder of the Mayo Clinic . . . Dr. Ted Clinic.

A good speech like a woman's skirt should be long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest. I have been asked to give my address in the remaining five minutes. That I can do! Here it is: 10 Carlton Gardens London England.

We noticed a crasher at the bar - that shows what a real man he is - he's here to show he's not ticked for not being asked.

I don't want to be patronizing . . . that means "talking down."

Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Will the people in the cheaper seats clap your hands? All the rest of you if you'll just rattle your jewelry.

Goldie Hawn is funny sexy beautiful talented intelligent warm and consistently sunny. Other than that she doesn't impress me at all.

After such an introduction I can hardly wait to hear what I'm going to say.

The recipe for a good speech includes some shortening.

A toastmaster is a man who eats a meal he doesn't want so he can get up and tell a lot of stories he doesn't remember to people who've already heard them.

speaker: I have only ten minutes and hardly know where to begin. voice in back: Begin at the ninth.

Thanks for the nice introduction. Next to my resume that's the closest I'll ever come to perfection.

It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

I'm moving down here . . . because some of you in the back might not be able to hear my talk . . . and that wouldn't be fair to those who can hear it.

I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation.

Good evening ladies and gentlemen. I'm pleased to be with you. (Pause) That concludes my prepared remarks.

An evening like this would be empty without some reference to [politics] so let's just think of this as empty.

I'd like to introduce a man with a lot of charm talent and wit. Unfortunately he couldn't be here tonight so instead . . .