tamlin

For him, I had done this-for him I'd gladly wrecked myself and my immortal soul. And now I had an eternity to live with it.

She has the most delicious thoughts about you, Tamlin,_ he said. __he__ wondered about the feeling of your fingers on her thighs__etween them, too._ He chuckled. Even as he said my most private thoughts, even as I burned with outrage and shame, I trembled at the grip still on my mind. Rhysand turned to the High Lord. ____ curious: Why did she wonder if it would feel good to have you bite her breast the way you bit her neck?_ __et. Her. Go._ Tamlin__ face was twisted with such feral rage that it struck a different, deeper chord of terror in me. __f it__ any consolation,_ Rhysand confided to him, __he would have been the one for you__nd you might have gotten away with it. A bit late, though. She__ more stubborn than you are.

I had to keep my hands clenched at my sides to avoid wiping my sweaty palms on the skirts of my gown as I reached the dining room, and immediately contemplated bolting upstairs and changing into a tunic and pants. But I knew they__ already heard me, or smelled me, or used whatever heightened senses they had to detect my presence, and since fleeing would only make it worse, I found it in myself to push open the double doors.Whatever discussion Tamlin and Lucien had been having stopped, and I tried not to look at their wide eyes as I strode to my usual place at the end of the table.__ell, I__ late for something incredibly important,_ Lucien said, and before I could call him on his outright lie or beg him to stay, the fox-masked faerie vanished.I could feel the full weight of Tamlin__ undivided attention on me__n every breath and movement I took. I studied the candelabras atop the mantel beside the table. I had nothing to say that didn__ sound absurd__et for some reason, my mouth decided to start moving.__ou__e so far away._ I gestured to the expanse of table between us. __t__ like you__e in another room.__he quarters of the table vanished, leaving Tamlin not two feet away, sitting at an infinitely more intimate table. I yelped and almost tipped over in my chair. He laughed as I gaped at the small table that now stood between us. __etter?_ he asked.I ignored the metallic tang of magic as I said, __ow _ how did you do that? Where did it go?__e cocked his head. __etween. Think of it as _ a broom closet tucked between pockets of the world._ He flexed his hands and rolled his neck, as if shaking off some pain.__oes it tax you?_ Sweat seemed to gleam on the strong column of his neck.He stopped flexing his hands and set them flat on the table. __nce, it was as easy as breathing. But now _ it requires concentration.__ecause of the blight on Prythian and the toll it had taken on him. __ou could have just taken a closer seat,_ I said.Tamlin gave me a lazy grin. __nd miss a chance to show off to a beautiful woman? Never.

His lips were smooth against my skin, his breath warm, and my knees buckled as he lifted my other hand to his mouth and kissed it, too. Kissed it carefully - in a way that made heat begin pounding in my core, between my legs.

I couldn__ talk about it, about them__ot yet. So I breathed __ater_ and hooked my feet around his legs, drawing him closer. I placed my hands on his chest, feeling the heart beating beneath. This__ needed this right now. It wouldn__ wash away what I__ done, but _ I needed him near, needed to smell and taste him, remind myself that he was real__his was real.__ater,_ he echoed, and leaned down to kiss me.It was soft, tentative__othing like the wild, hard kisses we__ shared in the hall of throne room. He brushed his lips against mine again. I didn__ want apologies, didn__ want sympathy or coddling. I gripped the front of his tunic, tugging him closer as I opened my mouth to him.He let out a low growl, and the sound of it sent a wildfire blazing through me, pooling and burning in my core. I let it burn through that hole in my chest, my soul. Let it raze through the wave of black that was starting to press around me, let it consume the phantom blood I could still feel on my hands. I gave myself to that fire, to him, as his hands roved across me, unbuttoning as he went.I pulled back, breaking the kiss to look into his face. His eyes were bright__ungry__ut his hands had stopped their exploring and rested firmly on my hips. With a predator__ stillness, he waited and watched as I traced the contours of his face, as I kissed every place I touched.His ragged breathing was the only sound__nd his hands soon began roaming across my back and sides, caressing and teasing and baring me to him. When my traveling fingers reached his mouth, he bit down on one, sucking it into his mouth. It didn__ hurt, but the bite was hard enough for me to meet his eyes again. To realize that he was done waiting__nd so was I.He eased me onto the bed, murmuring my name against my neck, the shell of my ear, the tips of my fingers. I urged him__aster, harder. His mouth explored the curve of my breast, the inside of my thigh.A kiss for each day we__ spent apart, a kiss for every wound and terror, a kiss for the ink etched into my flesh, and for all the days we would be together after this. Days, perhaps, that I no longer deserved. But I gave myself again to that fire, threw myself into it, into him, and let myself burn.

What?__ucien laughed. __es__ll those female faeries around you were females for Tamlin to pick. It__ an honor to be chosen, but it__ his instincts that select her.___ut you were there__nd other male faeries._ My face burned so hot that I began sweating. That was why those three horrible faeries had been there__nd they__ thought that just by my presence, I was happy to comply with their plans.__h._ Lucien chuckled. __ell, Tam__ not the only one who gets to perform the rite tonight. Once he makes his choice, we__e free to mingle. Though it__ not the Great Rite, our own dalliances tonight will help the land, too._ He shrugged off that invisible hand a second time, and his eyes fell upon the hills. __ou__e lucky I found you when I did, though,_ he said. __ecause he would have smelled you, and claimed you, but it wouldn__ have been Tamlin who brought you into that cave._ His eyes met mine, and a chill went over me. __nd I don__ think you would have liked it. Tonight is not for lovemaking.

If she captured Tamlin__ power once, who__ to say she can__ do it again?_ It was the question I hadn__ yet dared voice.__e won__ be tricked again so easily,_ he said, staring up at the ceiling. __er biggest weapon is that she keeps our powers contained. But she can__ access them, not wholly__hough she can control us through them. It__ why I__e never been able to shatter her mind__hy she__ not dead already. The moment you break Amarantha__ curse, Tamlin__ wrath will be so great that no force in the world will keep him from splattering her on the walls.__ chill went through me.__hy do you think I__ doing this?_ He waved a hand to me.__ecause you__e a monster.__e laughed. __rue, but I__ also a pragmatist. Working Tamlin into a senseless fury is the best weapon we have against her. Seeing you enter into a fool__ bargain with Amarantha was one thing, but when Tamlin saw my tattoo on your arm _ Oh, you should have been born with my abilities, if only to have felt the rage that seeped from him.__ didn__ want to think much about his abilities. __ho__ to say he won__ splatter you as well?___erhaps he__l try__ut I have a feeling he__l kill Amarantha first. That__ what it all boils down to, anyway: even your servitude to me can be blamed on her. So he__l kill her tomorrow, and I__l be free before he can start a fight with me that will reduce our once-sacred mountain to rubble._ He picked at his nails. __nd I have a few other cards to play.__ lifted my brows in silent question.__eyre, for Cauldron__ sake. I drug you, but you don__ wonder why I never touch you beyond your waist or arms?__ntil tonight__ntil that damned kiss. I gritted my teeth, but even as my anger rose, a picture cleared.__t__ the only claim I have to innocence,_ he said, __he only thing that will make Tamlin think twice before entering into a battle with me that would cause a catastrophic loss of innocent life. It__ the only way I can convince him I was on your side. Believe me, I would have liked nothing more than to enjoy you__ut there are bigger things at stake than taking a human woman to my bed.__ knew, but I still asked, __ike what?___ike my territory,_ he said, and his eyes held a far-off look that I hadn__ yet seen. __ike my remaining people, enslaved to a tyrant queen who can end their lives with a single word. Surely Tamlin expressed similar sentiments to you._ He hadn____ot entirely. He hadn__ been able to, thanks to the curse.__hy did Amarantha target you?_ I dared ask. __hy make you her whore?___eyond the obvious?_ He gestured to his perfect face. When I didn__ smile, he loosed a breath. __y father killed Tamlin__ father__nd his brothers.__ started. Tamlin had never said__ever told me the Night Court was responsible for that.__t__ a long story, and I don__ feel like getting into it, but let__ just say that when she stole our lands out from under us, Amarantha decided that she especially wanted to punish the son of her friend__ murderer__ecided that she hated me enough for my father__ deeds that I was to suffer.__ might have reached a hand toward him, might have offered my apologies__ut every thought had dried up in my head. What Amarantha had done to him __o,_ he said wearily, __ere we are, with the fate of our immortal world in the hands of an illiterate human.

Tamlin__ arm tightened around me, and he kissed the top of my head. I pulled back, looking up at him.The gold in his eyes, bright with the rising sun, flickered. __hat?___y father once told me that I should let my sisters imagine a better life__ better world. And I told him that there was no such thing._ I ran my thumb over his mouth, marveling, and shook my head. __ never understood__ecause I couldn__ _ couldn__ believe that it was even possible._ I swallowed, lowering my hand. __ntil now.__is throat bobbed. His kiss that time was deep and thorough, unhurried and intent.I let the dawn creep inside me, let it grow with each movement of his lips and brush of his tongue against mine. Tears pricked beneath my closed eyes.It was the happiest moment of my life.

I love you," I said, and stabbed him.

I skipped between the dancers, twirling my skirts. The seated, masked musicians didn__ look up at me as I leaped before them, dancing in place. No chains, no boundaries__ust me and the music, dancing and dancing. I wasn__ faerie, but I was a part of this earth, and the earth was a part of me, and I would be content to dance upon it for the rest of my life.One of the musicians looked up from his fiddling, and I halted.Sweat gleamed on the strong column of his neck as he rested his chin upon the dark wood of the fiddle. He__ rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, revealing the cords of muscle along his forearms. He had once mentioned that he would have liked to be a traveling minstrel if not a warrior or a High Lord__ow, hearing him play, I knew he could have made a fortune from it.____ sorry, Tam,_ Lucien panted, appearing from nowhere. __ left her alone for a little at one of the food tables, and when I caught up to her, she was drinking the wine, and___amlin didn__ pause in his playing. His golden hair damp with sweat, he looked marvelously handsome__ven though I couldn__ see most of his face. He gave me a feral smile as I began to dance in place before him. ____l look after her,_ Tamlin murmured above the music, and I glowed, my dancing becoming faster. __o enjoy yourself._ Lucien fled.I shouted over the music, __ don__ need a keeper!_ I wanted to spin and spin and spin.__o, you don__,_ Tamlin said, never once stumbling over his playing. How his bow did dance upon the strings, his fingers sturdy and strong, no signs of those claws that I had come to stop fearing _ __ance, Feyre,_ he whispered.So I did.I was loosened, a top whirling around and around, and I didn__ know who I danced with or what they looked like, only that I had become the music and the fire and the night, and there was nothing that could slow me down.Through it all, Tamlin and his musicians played such joyous music that I didn__ think the world could contain it all. I sashayed over to him, my faerie lord, my protector and warrior, my friend, and danced before him. He grinned at me, and I didn__ break my dancing as he rose from his seat and knelt before me in the grass, offering up a solo on his fiddle to me.

I threw myself into that fire, threw myself into it, into him, and let myself burn.

I love you,_ he whispered, and kissed my brow. __horns and all.

Would you like me to grovel with gratitude for bringing me here, High Lord?""Ah. The Suriel told you nothing important, did it?"That smile of his sparked something bold in my chest. "He also said that you liked being brushed, and if I'm a clever girl, I might train you with treats."Tamlin tipped his head to the sky and roared with laughter. Despite myself, I let out a quiet laugh. "I might die of surprise," Lucien said behind me. "You made a joke, Feyre."I turned to look at him with a cool smile. "You don't want to know what the Suriel said about you." I flicked my brows up, and Lucien lifted his hands in defeat."I'd pay good money to hear what the Suriel thinks of Lucien," Tamlin said.A cork popped, followed by the sounds of Lucien chugging the bottle's contents and chuckling with a muttered, "Brushed.

Lucien kept rubbing at his temples as he ate, unusually silent, and I hid my smile as I asked him, __nd where were you last night?__ucien__ metal eye narrowed on me. ____l have you know that while you two were dancing with the spirits, I was stuck on border patrol._ Tamlin gave a pointed cough, and Lucien added, __ith some company._ He gave me a sly grin. __umor has it you two didn__ come back until after dawn.__ glanced at Tamlin, biting my lip. I__ practically floated into my bedroom that morning. But Tamlin__ gaze now roved my face as if searching for any tinge of regret, of fear. Ridiculous.__ou bit my neck on Fire Night,_ I said under my breath. __f I can face you after that, a few kisses are nothing.__e braced his forearms on the table as he leaned closer to me. __othing?_ His eyes flicked to my lips. Lucien shifted in his seat, muttering to the Cauldron to spare him, but I ignored him.__othing,_ I repeated a bit distantly, watching Tamlin__ mouth move, so keenly aware of every movement he made, resenting the table between us. I could almost feel the warmth of his breath.__re you sure?_ he murmured, intent and hungry enough that I was glad I was sitting. He could have had me right there, on top of that table. I wanted his broad hands running over my bare skin, wanted his teeth scraping against my neck, wanted his mouth all over me.____ trying to eat,_ Lucien said.

I saw only a flash of green and gold before the warmth of Tamlin__ body slammed into me and our lips met.I couldn__ kiss him deeply enough, couldn__ hold him tightly enough, couldn__ touch enough of him. Words weren__ necessary.I tore at his shirt, needing to feel the skin beneath one last time, and I had to stifle the moan that rose up in me as he grasped my breast. I didn__ want him to be gentle__ecause what I felt for him wasn__ at all like that. What I felt was wild and hard and burning, and so he was with me.He tore his lips from mine and bit my neck__it it as he had on Fire Night. I had to grind my teeth to keep myself from moaning and giving us away. This might be the last time I touched him, the last time we could be together. I wouldn__ waste it.My fingers grappled with his belt buckle, and his mouth found mine again. Our tongues danced__ot a waltz or a minuet, but a war dance, a death dance of bone drums and screaming fiddles.I wanted him__ere.I hooked a leg around his middle, needing to be closer, and he ground his hips harder against me, crushing me into the icy wall. I pried the belt buckle loose, whipping the leather free, and Tamlin growled his desire in my ear__ low, probing sort of sound that made me see red and white and lightning.

Not forever,_ he said onto my mouth.And though I knew it was a lie, I put my arms around his neck and kissed him.He pulled me onto his lap, holding me tightly against him as his lips parted mine. I became aware of every pore in my body when his tongue entered my mouth.Though the horror of Rhysand__ magic still tore at me, I pushed Tamlin onto the bed, straddling him, pinning him as if it would somehow keep me from leaving, as if it would make time stop entirely.His hands rested on my hips, and their heat singed me through the thin silk of my nightgown. My hair fell around our faces like a curtain. I couldn__ kiss him fast enough, hard enough to express the rushing need within me. He growled softly and deftly flipped us over, spreading me beneath him as he wrenched his lips from my mouth and made a trail of kisses down my neck.My entire world constricted to the touch of his lips on my skin. Everything beyond them, beyond him, was a void of darkness and moonlight. My back arched as he reached the spot he__ once bitten, and I dragged my hands through his hair, savoring the silken smoothness.He traced the arc of my hipbones, lingering at the edge of my undergarments. My nightgown had become hitched around my waist, but I didn__ care. I hooked my bare legs around his, running my feet down the hard muscles of his calves.He breathed my name onto my chest, one of his hands exploring the plane of my torso, rising up to the slope of my breast. I trembled, anticipating the feel of his hand there, and his mouth found mine again as his fingers stopped just below.His kissing was slower this time__entler. The fingertips of his other hand slipped beneath the waist of my undergarment, and I sucked in a breath.He hesitated at the sound, pulling back slightly. But I bit his lip in a silent command that had him growling into my mouth. With one long claw, he shredded through silk and lace, and my undergarment fell away in pieces. The claw retracted, and his kiss deepened as his fingers slid between my legs, coaxing and teasing. I ground against his hand, yielding completely to the writhing wildness that had roared alive inside me, and breathed his name onto his skin.He paused again__is fingers retracting__ut I grabbed him, pulling him farther on top of me. I wanted him now__ wanted the barriers of our clothing to vanish, I wanted to taste his sweat, wanted to become full of him.

Where are you going?__e looked over his shoulder at me. __f I stay, you won__ get any sleep.___tay,_ I said. __ promise to keep my hands to myself._ Lie__uch an outright lie.He gave me a half smile that told me he knew it, too, but nestled down, tugging me into his arms. I wrapped an arm around his waist and rested my head in the hollow of his shoulder.He idly stroked my hair. I didn__ want to sleep__idn__ want to lose a minute with him__ut an immense exhaustion was pulling me away from consciousness, until all I knew was the touch of his fingers in my hair and the sounds of his breathing.

It didn't excuse what he'd done. Even if he'd...saved me-I choked on the word-from having to refuse Tamlin. Having to explain.