Ashley Earley

I jolt up, a scream lodged in my throat. Drops of sweat roll down my forehead and my throat hurts as if I've been screaming for a long time.

And darkness will rule.

I can feel that I'm in a dream, but I can't wake myself up.

It feels like someone is gripping my heart and twisting it. It feels like I can't breathe. I shut my eyes tightly against the memory that is threatening to surface. I can't br

I am ready for battle. I am ready to fight.

Depression is a funny thing. Some days you have the strength to get up out of bed and attempt to live your life as a normal human being, but others_you just don__ want to leave your room and socialize with the outside world__he world that you hate on days like this. You stay secluded in a tiny space, left alone to the thoughts that eat at your brain until you finally sit down and let them be thought.

My mind screams for me to run, but my feet are planted where they are. This can__ be happening. This can__ be real. There__ no way this is real!

When we step onto the bridge, Nathan turns and spreads his arms out wide. __elcome to Pont des Arts, a.k.a. The Lock Bridge.

I freeze, my feet suddenly glued to the floor. It takes me a minute to gather the courage to turn around, but when I do, I immediately wish I hadn't. The boy is standing in the doorway at the end of the hall.Why is he here again? I barely allow myself time to ask the question before I move. Panicked, I turn and run back downstairs as fast as I can."Hey! Wait!" he calls after me.I don't stop.

I grab the nearest lamppost when my knees threaten to give out, panting for breath as the words rip through me

I head in the direction of the Eiffel Tower when I exit the alley, relieved to be out of the dark.

Every gesture and every look he gives me takes me by surprise and causes my heart to stutter.

He smirks, shaking his head and letting his eyes wander. I watch him carefully, wondering what I can say to get him to leave. ____ not leaving until you answer some questions. Plus, I__ holding your sketchbook hostage, so you might want to cooperate._ I raise an eyebrow at him. I guess there isn__ much I can say. __his isn__ a hostage negotiation._ He chuckles half-heartedly as his eyes take me in, almost sizing me up. __ guess I should introduce myself._ He holds a hand out for me to shake. ____ Nathan._ I stare at his hand for a moment. __aylor,_ I reply, meeting his eyes again without taking his hand. He lets his hand fall back to his side. __t least I got you to say something non-hostile._ __ haven__ been hostile,_ I object. His eyebrows shoot up. __h, haven__ you?_ __hy don__ you leave me alone?_ I snap. __eave and don__ come back._ I move passed him, heading for my apartment. He can__ follow and annoy me if I lock the door. __here are you going?_ he demands. I look back over my shoulder and roll my eyes at him, indicating the answer should be obvious: anywhere he isn__. Once inside, I slam the door behind me. __hat was totally not hostile!_ he calls after me, sarcastically. I quickly head for my bedroom door, slamming it, too.

I take in all the colorful locks that line the bridge. Each one told a story. Each lock represented a relationship that was once special, whether it ended or turned into true happiness. The locks represented a past, present, and a possible future.

The boy took my sketchbook.

The hours tick by as I lie in bed.Memories keep surfacing, tormenting me into unbelievable sadness. I can't bring myself to move. I can't fight the memories that keep filling my thoughts. I stay curled in the fetal position as each memory plays out. I can't stop them from coming. I can't make them go away. Nothing can distract me. I can't block the memories, so they continue to come.

I'm being pulled under - father and farther from the surface. My lungs continue to scream for air. Panic is building inside me, threatening to combust. I can't break free.Help! I can't break free!I open my mouth to scream.

He drinks his coffee tentatively, glancing at me every few seconds, watching me. Every time he glances in my direction, I quickly turn away though he obviously knows I'm watching him. I know he's wondering why I'm staring at him, but he doesn't ask.I finally take a sip of coffee, set the mug back on the table, and voice what's on my mind, "I want to draw you.