Dorothy Parker

The two most beautiful words in the English language are "cheque enclosed".

Wit has truth in it wisecracking is simply calisthenics with words.

Hold your pen and spare your voice.

I shall stay the way I am Because I do not give a damn.

There was never a place for her in the ranks of the terrible slow army of the cautious. She ran ahead where there were no paths.

I don't know much about being a millionaire but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Brevity is the soul of lingerie.

Where's the man could ease the heart Like a satin gown?

They sicken of the calm who know the storm.

He and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery.

Women and elephants never forget.

Lips that taste of tears they say are the best for kissing.

Scratch a lover and find a foe.

Men seldom make passes At girls who wear glasses.

The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant - and let the air out of the tires.

It cost me never a stab nor squirm To tread by chance upon a worm. 'Aha my little dear' I say 'Your clan will pay me back one day.'

Poisons pain you Rivers are damp Acid stains you And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful Nooses give Gas smells awful You might as well live.

Where unwilling dies the rose Buds the new another year.