Jo Brand

God, what a depressing day that was and what an irony that Britain__ first female prime minister had to be Margaret Thatcher. She was the woman who asked, __hat has feminism ever done for me?_ Well, dear, if you need to ask that question then you__e obviously not very bright

The big bad monster wasn't green and hiding under the bed, it wore tasteless floral prints, bright scarlet lipstick and sat in the kitchen smoking and saying 'bollocks' alot.

My mum is bright, ambitious, well read, political and very bolshie: when my dad was conscripted into the Army and posted to Libya, she convinced some general to let her go with him. I don't know how she managed it.

My dad's a very sensitive man, but as the archetypal rebellious teenager, I didn't realise that.

I used to do bell ringing in Benenden church. It was really good fun, actually. My best friend's dad was the local vicar, and so it was expected as her best friend that I would go to church every Sunday with her.

When I got married, the Sun ran the headline: 'Here comes the bride, all fat and wide.' Luckily, it was a few days after the wedding - but it was still hideous to read at a great romantic moment.

So, my style has hopefully changed over the years and it is more relaxed, and I do tend to smile and have more than one expression these days hopefully - which I didn't at the beginning.

People say you should read your criticism because it will make you a better person but it doesn't. It just makes you a sad bitter old showbiz nightmare.

Everything becomes magnified at night. Sounds travel in a different way, it's dark, and everything seems far more spooky.

The comedian sticks as religiously to her theme as a dancer sticks to a diet.

With two small children, I haven't had a wash since 2001 so the chance to go shopping is way down the list. It is something I do intend to get.

Having children is fab. They keep me young and make me get up in the morning.

One thing lots of Christians do have in common is that they can't help coming across as smug. This winds lots of people up, particularly because famous Christians pronounce on the life of the poor from their very lovely affluent homes filled with their very lovely families and attractive pets.

I'm a Luddite with computers, and I'm slightly worried about being hacked as well.

My father was an engineer and my mother was a social worker, and they met as young socialists. That probably tells you everything you need to know about my attitude to money - I've never really been bothered about it.

Anything is good if it's made of chocolate.