Louis C.K.

The only time you look in your neighbor's bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don't look in your neighbor's bowl to see if you have as much as them.

It was a horrible process to get to this. It took me my whole life. If you__e new at this _ and by 'new at it,' I mean 15 years in, or even 20 _ you__e just starting to get traction...Give it a minute.

Shut up_let me tell you, LET ME. Every time I look at your face or even remember it, it wrecks me. And the way you are with me and you__e just fun and you shit all over me and you make fun of me and you__e real. I don__ have enough time in any day to think about you enough...I don__ even think about women anymore. I think about you.

It doesn't have any effect on your life. What do you care?! People try to talk about it like it's a social issue. Like when you see someone stand up on a talk show and say, "How am I supposed to explain to my children that two men are getting married?... I dunno. It's your shitty kid. You fuckin' tell 'em. Why is that anyone else's problem? Two guys are in LOVE and they can't get married because you don't want to talk to your ugly child for five fuckin' minutes?

I find that when people laugh it's usually because they're connecting and identifying in a way that they hadn't considered. That's my payoff. I'm not interested in other people thinking differently. I don't care. I'm just like yeast - I eat sugar and I shit alcohol. And there's a huge culture that goes with that. Alcohol creates massive shifts in world history, and it changes people's lives. People get pregnant because of alcohol. But the yeast doesn't give a fuck. The yeast isn't going, "I really want to help people loosen up and bring passion into Irish people's lives".

Everything's amazing right now, and nobody's happy.

I__ bored_ is a useless thing to say. I mean, you live in a great, big, vast world that you__e seen none percent of. Even the inside of your own mind is endless; it goes on forever, inwardly, do you understand? The fact that you__e alive is amazing, so you don__ get to say ____ bored.

Self-love is a good thing but self-awareness is more important. You need to once in a while go __h, I__ kind of an asshole.

Fuck it... That's really the attitude that keeps a family together, it's not "we love each other", it's just "fuck it, man.

You__l be fine. You__e 25. Feeling [unsure] and lost is part of your path. Don__ avoid it. See what those feelings are showing you and use it. Take a breath. You__l be okay. Even if you don__ feel okay all the time.

Misery is wasted on the miserable.

I have a lot of beliefs, and I live by none of them.

It was a horrible process to get to this. It took me my whole life. If you__e new at this _ and by 'new at it,' I mean 15 years in, or even 20 _ you__e just starting to get traction.

Pamela, I__ in love with you. Yeah, it__ that bad. You__e so beautiful to me. Shut up! Lemme tell you. Let me. Every time I look at your face or even remember it, it wrecks me - and the way you are with me - and you__e just fun and you shit all over me and you make fun of me and you__e real. I don__ have enough time in any day to think about you enough. I feel like I__ going to live a thousand years cause that__ how long it__ gonna take me to have one thought about you which is that I__ crazy about you, Pamela. I don__ wanna be with anybody else. I don__. I really don__. I don__ think about women anymore. I think about you. I had a dream the other night that you and I were on a train. We were on this train and you were holding my hand. That__ the whole dream. You were holding my hand and I felt you holding my hand. I woke up and I couldn__ believe it wasn__ real. I__ sick in love with you, Pamela. It__ like a condition. It__ like polio. I feel like I__ gonna die if I can__ be with you. And I can__ be with you. So I__ gonna die - and I don__ care cause I was brought into existence to know you and that__ enough. The idea that you would want me back it__ like greedy.

When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don__ get to decide that you didn__.

I always tell my kids to cut a sandwich in half right when you get it, and the first thought you should have is somebody else. You only ever need half a burger.

I've learned from experience that if you work harder at it, and apply more energy and time to it, and more consistency, you get a better result. It comes from the work.