Will Rogers

Make crime pay. Become a lawyer.

There are three kinds of men. The one that learns by reading. The few who learn by observation. The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

You've got to go out on a limb sometimes because that's where the fruit is.

America is becoming so educated that ignorance will be a novelty. I will belong to the select few.

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living.

Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

If advertisers spent the same amount of money on improving their products as they do on advertising then they wouldn't have to advertise them.

Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it.

Too many people spend money they haven't earned to buy things they don't want to impress people they don't like.

This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you.

It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for.

If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep.

Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?

On account of being a democracy and run by the people, we are the only nation in the world that has to keep a government four years, no matter what it does.

Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln.