beatrice-prior

You don't have to tell me everything right away, but I have to tell you everything right away? Can't you see how stupid that is?

Maybe time would not feel as heavy if I didn't have this guilt - the guilt of knowing the truth and stuffing it down where no one can see it.

I'll be your family now," he says. "I love you," I say. (....)He stares at me. I wait with my hands clutching his arms for stability as he considers his response. He frowns at me. "Say it again.""Tobias," I say, "I love you.

Okay. Then...I can talk. Ask me something.""Okay." He laughs shakily in my ear. "Why is your heart racing Tris?"I cringe and say, "Well, I...I barely know you. I barely know you and I'm crammed up against you in a box, Four, what do you think?"..."Maybe you were cut out for Candor," he says, "because you're a terrible liar.

Tris," he says. "What did they do to you? You're acting like a lunatic.""That's not very nice of you to say," I say. "They put me in a good mood, that's all. And now I really want to kiss you, so if you could just relax-

What did you do?_ I mumble. He is just a few feet away from me now, but not close enough to hear me. As he passes me he stretches out his hand. He wraps it around my palm and squeezes. Squeezes, then lets go. His eyes are bloodshot; he is pale. __hat did you do?_ This time the question tears from my throat like a growl. I throw myself toward him, struggling against Peter__ grip, though his hands chafe. __hat did you do?_ I scream. __ou die, I die too_ Tobias looks over his shoulder at me. __ asked you not to do this. You made your decision. These are the repercussions.

My body rises with the water. Instead of kicking my feet to stay abreast of it, I push all the air from my lungs and sink to the bottom. The water muffles my ears. I feel its movement over my face. I think about snorting the water into my lungs so it kills me faster, but I can't bring myself to do it. I blow bubbles from my mouth. Relax. I close my eyes. My lungs burn.

Tris!_ Four calls out. Will and I exchange a look, half surprise and half apprehension. Four pulls away from the railing and walksup to me. Ahead of us, Al and Christina stop running, and Christina slides to the ground. I don__ blame them for staring. There are four of us, and Four is only talking to me.__ou look different._ His words, normally crisp, are now sluggish.__o do you,_ I say. And he does__e looks more relaxed, younger. __hat are you doing?___lirting with death,_ he replies with a laugh. __rinking near the chasm. Probably not a good idea.___o, it isn__._ I__ not sure I like Four this way. There__ something unsettling about it.__idn__ know you had a tattoo,_ he says, looking at my collarbone.He sips the bottle. His breath smells thick and sharp. Like the factionless man__ breath.__ight. The crows,_ he says. He glances over his shoulder at his friends, who are carrying on without him, unlike mine. He adds,____ ask you to hang out with us, but you__e not supposed to see me this way.__ am tempted to ask him why he wants me to hang out with him, but I suspect the answer has something to do with the bottle inhis hand.__hat way?_ I ask. __runk?___eah...well, no._ His voice softens. __eal, I guess._____l pretend I didn__.___ice of you._ He puts his lips next to my ear and says, __ou look good, Tris.__is words surprise me, and my heart leaps. I wish it didn__, because judging by the way his eyes slide over mine, he has no ideawhat he__ saying. I laugh. __o me a favor and stay away from the chasm, okay?___f course._ He winks at me.

Are you asking me to undress, Tris?'A nervous laugh gurgles from my throat. 'Only ... partially

Doing a little at once can fix something, eventually, but i feel like when you believe something is truly a problem, you throw everything you have at it, because you just can't help yourself.