humor-quote

A professional headshot in front of a bookshelf says you're an intellectual. A professional headshot peeking though a bookshelf says you're probably under a restraining order.

My mother-in-law belongs in Hell, but the devil is afraid she__l end up taking over.

I like to go to Starbucks and watch the intellectuals. I observe them and their intellectualness. They in turn observe me drinking coffee and being a creeper.

A mother__ eyes are like God; impossible to get away from, they see everything.

The easiest way to be the prettiest girl at a party is to rig the guest list.

Ask your wife for forgiveness, even when you__e right.

Women are heavyweight boxers; only, they punch with words, not fists.

She complains that I'm lazy, but I just like to save my energy for dinner.

If God had a wife, He would be in trouble too if He dodged His chores.

Boys are raw materials that women manufacture into products called men.

I enjoy self-publishing & sending publishers rejection letters. They're like, 'Who is this guy?' And I'm like, 'the end of your industry.

I surround myself with books when I write, thus surrounding myself with writers... only they don't critique me and then get up for coffee.

To be reborned many times over, you must unleash the power of inertia. But must you go out every time and reach for your highest potential?