humor-quote

I love that there's no cutoff where we get labeled and sent off to a home for hopeless, cranky, depressives. Every day is a new chance to listen longer and be braver and love more. We get to try again and again and again.

I'm like a stray cat. If you feed me, I don't leave.

You never know what you will find in your pants!

I'm friends with a guy who is friends with a former Playboy model. So I guess you could say I'm 1 degree away from 212 degrees.

An angry wife can be more frightening than an army of disgruntled soldiers.

Humor is a tool to ease the harsh realities of life.

Be calm on your wedding day; she won__ kill you in front of a hundred people, no matter what you've done.

Women are the best thieves you will ever meet; they steal your heart and your last name, but never get to spend the night in jail.

The only time I hold my wife's hand tightly is when my wallet is in her other hand.

Falling in love with someone is intentional, even if it was their looks that tripped you.

The easiest way to remember your future wife__ birthday is to marry her on Super Bowl Sunday.

If men could be bought like clothes at an outlet, only then would women always get what they bargained for.

There is nothing wrong with being a puppet if love is the one pulling the strings.

Your wife is smarter than you; know this, and you will live happily ever after.

Be calm when your wife yells at you, calmer when she chastens you, but be terrified when she ignores you.

Get high on love, not drugs.

An inch to a man__ heart is a mile to his wallet.

The world__ most lethal venom is not found on the tongues of serpents, but on the tongues of a disgruntled wife.