humor

Never give in to peer pressure, especially if the peer is not attractive.

In the nineteenth century, The Romantics viewed Nature as benign, a glowing reflection of God's grace. Now we know better. Nature is brutal and, if it is feminine, she's not the kind of woman you can trust. Human beings may be her finest achievement yet, but when you get right down to brass tacks, we're meat. AIDS and organisms like streptococcus don't give a crap that we subdued the earth or produced a Shakespeare...

It would be, like all of Pammy's parties, hot and crowded and filled with impossibly glamorous people with hip bones so sharp they could qualify as concealed weapons.

I feel like I've been ironing all day in high heels and no brassiere. ~Tizzy Donovan, Laid Out and Candle Lit

But that__ the thing about dead people: they can__ warn you to keep your nose out of things that are going to put your ass in danger.

I'd rather be stung to death by a bunch of piss ants. ~Synola Harper, You're Busting My Nuptials

Anticipation tingled in my stomach: the kind of tingle that at first you don__ know if it__ a good tingle or a bad tingle _ just a tingle.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that one only comes up with clever, cutting remarks long after the other party is happily slumbering away.

LIPID (Last Idiot Person I Dated) syndrome: a largely undiagnosed but pervasive disease that afflicts single women.

I started to crawl off; then I remembered my leftover pizza, and I peeled off the salami, pepperoni, and anchovies and placed them on the CD tray (whicn no one used these days with flash drives around)on Boone's computer. I hit the close button and watched the smelly part of my delicious dinner slide away. Boone would have a great time wondering 'where's that smell coming from?

Terrible accident; body parts was everywhere_-fingers, toes, wings, beaks. Ambulance people tried to scoop him all up, but apparently it ain__ so easy as you might think__elling a chicken from a Chinaman, I mean. Anyways, they got his weight off his driver__ license, picked up a hundred and thirty pounds of pieces and buried __m. Now his wife come every year 'bout this time to pay her respects. We don't serve chicken while she's here. Hope you ain't got a taste for it.

It__ still all __fs_ __uts_ and __aybes_._ __aybe,_ I said. __ut if what I__ saying is correct _

Meaning, yes -- I don't really exist except on the page or in the back of your brain. But if you think it's weird a fictional character's telling this story, you ain't seen what happened, yet.

That could be a very sexy story.

Total confusion, disconnected nothing, absolute bewilderment. It's an enigma wrapped in a mystery, stuffed in a burrito, and smothered in taco sauce.

Growing up in a family of gamblers, daredevils and practical jokers, I've learned a lot about timing and its first cousin, dumb luck, concepts I was introduced to while still in the womb.

Always remember, there__ no such thing as luck, nothing happens by chance, and all is by divine intervention. You__e like a magnet, wherever you go, the people you have relationships with and those that are connected with them will be drawn to you. You__e needed, and soon, the little ones will look to you as well. If you let God be your guide, you__l have the adventure of a lifetime. Jo, take what God gives you and run with it.

The silver car had been closing in, but just then, it took a sharp turn to the left. Where are they going? Leor wondered. But he decided to keep it to himself. The cabby nodded and ran a hand through his hair. __lright. Well, we__e here anyways.__eor saw the winery a few blocks down. __ thought you said it__ take ten minutes?___ou made me nervous,_ Claude retorted. __ drive fast when I__ nervous.___ou should get that checked,_ Leor replied. __t can__ be good for your kids. Or your wife.