paraphrased

I didn__ know that painters and writers retired. They__e like soldiers _ they just fade away.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that one only comes up with clever, cutting remarks long after the other party is happily slumbering away.

I am a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a pita. Why the pita? That counts as another mystery.

To be or not to be. That's not really a question.

I'm trying to undermine the basis of Christian belief... I'm not in the business of offending people. I find the books upholding certain values that I think are important, such as life is immensely valuable and this world is an extraordinarily beautiful place. We should do what we can to increase the amount of wisdom in the world.]

I believe I am in Hell, therefore I am.

That which does not kill us makes us stronger.

I came, I saw, I concurred...

Love is not patronizing and charity isn't about pity, it is about love. Charity and love are the same -- with charity you give love, so don't just give money but reach out your hand instead.

Excess makes the heart grow fonder...

There is no God and we are his prophets.

Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

Women should be obscene and not heard.

All persons, living and dead, are purely coincidental.

Speak softly and employ a huge man with a crowbar.

What's in a name, anyway? That which we call a nose by any other name would still smell.

What doesn't kill us makes us funnier.