humorous-quotes

You saw what I saw, right? Adrienne doing something nice for Xarissa of her own free will. I think I did, said G.ALunette stared into the unknown. This has to be a sign of the coming apocalypse We are all going to die.

What if everything about me is totally made up? What if I__ actually_I don__ know. A wanted fugitive in the States.___ulia._ He reached across the table and grabbed her hand. __obody makes up being a high school math teacher.___hat__ why it__ the perfect disguise!__e shook his head. __obody.

I've been coerced into free will.

Wilbur looked at the list glumly. "Are you sure you need all this stuff?""Yep.""The ax?""The ax is critical.""The c

The problem with taxation is that authors can't write off whiskey as a business expense.

Society teaches us that everyone is entitled to their own opinion. The bill of rights informs us that we have the right to keep it to ourselves.

THIS IS A COMPLIMENT?You're incrediburgableshe saidwhich is to sayYou're a little like incrediblebut a lot more like ahamburger.

Walking the Camino de Santiago taught me the wonders of physical challenge, the wonders of spiritual freedom, and the wonders of baby powder.

What was to fear from a foe that could be defeated by a few potholes and the heat of the sun?

Mummy can we keep him?" Madeleine asked with the wide eyes of a burgeoning crush."Darling, little boys make terrible pets," Mrs. Masterson offered with a wink."That's not true at all, Mummy. They're hypoallergenic, much easier than dogs," Madeleine said cheekily, "and they almost never have fleas.

Why are you worrying about you-know-who?You should be worrying about u-no-poo!The constipation sensation that's gripping the nation!

If I had a nickel for all the times I've been shushed in my life? Bam! Instant millionaire!

Pissing out the window, and sh*tting out the window, are two different things!

If a wizard should take up residence in your garden, and requests food, you are obliged to feed him.

#NAME?

I didn't read the book. I burned it after the first sentence.

Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.

Yo Mama__ so poor, when I lit her house on fire, the cockroaches came out singing, __lap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got some heat!