merry

It was a woman who drove me to drink - and you know I never even thanked her.

According to my doctor it's okay to drink like a fish - as long as I drink what the fish drinks.

For him any wine dated before four o'clock in the afternoon is vintage.

I knew I was drunk. I felt sophisticated and couldn't pronounce it.

Everybody should believe in something I believe I'll have another drink.

I'd hate to be a teetotaler. Imagine getting up in the morning and knowing that's as good as you're going to feel all day.

Let's toast a real wine expert - someone who knows a good rose goes best with bologna sandwiches.

Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses.

Enjoy life. Think of all the women who passed up dessert on the Titanic.

They say hot dogs can kill you. How do you know it's not the bun?

I've never been drunk but often I've been overserved.

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake - which I also keep handy.

I've noticed the customers in health food stores. They are pale skinny people who usually look half dead. In a steak house you see robust ruddy people. They're dying of course but they look terrific.

I'm not much of a drinker. It only takes me one drink to get drunk . . . my fourth.

Most people hate the taste of beer to begin with. It is however a prejudice that many people have been able to overcome.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Let's get out of these wet clothes and into a dry martini.

Is life worth living? That depends on the liver.