anastasia

I wish I wasn't an imperial highness or an ex-grand duchess. I'm sick of people doing things to me because of what I am. Girl-in-white-dress. Short-one-with-fringe. Daughter-of-the-tsar. Child-of-the-ex-tyrant. I want people to look and see me, Anastasia Nikolaevna Romanova, not the caboose on a train of grand duchesses. Someday, I promise myself, no one will be able to hear my name or look at my picture and suppose they know all about me. Someday I will do something bigger than what I am.

Maria cries unashamedly on my shoulder while I whisper and pet her cheek, but Anastasia grips my other hand and stares fiercely back at our Alexander Palace with her wet blue eyes until it is no more than a lemon-colored speck against the sunrise.

And so a pattern develops: wake, work cry. sleep. I can't even escape him in my dreams. Gray burning eyes, his lost look, his hair burnished and bright and bright all haunt me. And the music... so much music-I cannot bear to hear any music. I am careful to avoid it at all costs. Even the jingles in commercials make me shudder.

Goodbye, Christian," I murmur."Ana, goodbye," he says softly, and he looks utterly, utterly broken,a man in agonizing pain, reflecting how I feel inside. I tear my gaze away from him before I can change my mind and try to comfort him.The elevator doors close close and it whisks me down to the bowels of the basement and to my own personal hell.

Bach's simple and basic themes ultimately engage and appeal to my adolescent side while the seemingly complex arrangements, though perhaps patronizingly in some cases, also reflect my juvenile perception of what looks and sounds 'grown-up,' intelligent, refined and sophisticated. There were few composers and musicians in my youth that I could say understood me and really got me, almost all were classical. J. S. Bach was one one of them.

Whether you love Bach or would rather listen to a composition produced by Kulitta Software, Bach has and will continue to demand the we approach and answer the question, 'what is the art, science and language of music?

It's different now, like pushing the stop lever on my camera until nothing except the war can squeeze through the lens.

My sisters and I sit together on a pair of suitcases. If we've forgotten anything, it's already too late -- our rooms have all been sealed and photographed. Anyway, Tatiana would say it's bad luck to return for something you've forgotten.

I'll pretend, I tell myself. Pretending is safer than believing.

You make me sound like an arrogant ass," he said."Are you?""No! I'm just me.

You've brushed your teeth," He says, staring at me."I used your toothbrush."His lips quirk up in a half smile. "Oh Anastasia Steele, what am I going to do with you?

You are one brave woman," he whispers, "I am in awe of you.

She began to realize some decisions cannot be undone no matter how hard you try.

Ana was a perpetual victim in a never-ending search for a victimizer.

So the peasants are used as targets in war?_ I doubted. __oes the Overhead feel that is necessary to kill off one of their own? Peasants are being placed as diversions on the front line like they mean nothing__ __ould you rather save the strong, or spare the weak?_ Mother questioned me. __hy can we not do both?_ I returned. __ecause Heaven has its reasons, Anastasia,_ Mother chimed quietly. __t is Heavens way to balance those who are strong and those who are weak. It cannot be changed.

Mother knocked once on my door and walked in my room to see me on my bed with the book tight in my grasp. She looked at my night dress and smiled. __xpecting company?_ She asked. I flushed. __t was a gift from Aunt Rose. It is only fair that I wear it considering I do not see her that often anymore._ My voice was firm as I looked down at my night dress. The fabric was silky, and the color was minty-green. It made my skin tone much more noticeable and it made my hair stand out from the rest of me. __re you sure you are not expecting Alexander?_ She asked me sitting at the edge of my bed with a smile not only on her face, but in her eyes. __hy do you insist I dress for him?_ I returned. __ did not insist that,_ Mother answered softly. __ was simply curious as to why you were wearing it. Plus,_ Mother flashed me a bright smile. __ saw Alexander walking around the corridor a few minutes ago._ My heart raced. Mother could see my reaction to that and looked back at my night dress. __t is a very pretty dress; I just wish you were to get it in a year or two from now. It seems so_._ __rown up?_ I offered. __ suppose it does, yes,_ Mother agreed quietly. She ran her hand on the lace that covered the bottom rim of the dress and said, __owever the word I was going to say was_suggestive.

The Overhead bears the most powerful Healers in Heaven,_ Mother began softly. __he Healers__r Guardian Angels, as we were once known as__re given the most power from the sun. Our powers to heal others come from the light and good of the earth__t is what enables us to wake in the morning.

The Guardians of the Overhead hold the most power in Heaven. They have the power to not only heal, but project. They can influence other Healers around them to make sure that Healer makes better judgment choices in life. Following them is the royal family that rules Heavens dynasty__ __he Caspian family,_ I cut in happy that I knew the answer. To know that my family was the second most powerful family in Heaven__ dynasty suddenly made me feel powerful, even though my powers have not come in yet. __es,_ Mother agreed with friendlies to her voice. __lthough we are better known as the Nobles of Heaven. We have the ability to heal others, as well as control ones emotions. As you have noticed, your father and I are most powerful in the day time. That is when our power shines brightest. As the Nobles of Heaven, your father has the ability to control how a Healer acts. If one misbehaves, it is a Nobles job to straighten them up for the good of Heaven. Just by a single command, your father can change that Healers action. For if one Healer acts out, it is a chain reaction. Without consequence, Lumen will be unbalanced.