humour

To refer even in passing to unpublished or struggling authors and their problems is to put oneself at some risk, so I will say here and now that any unsolicited manuscripts or typescripts sent to me will be destroyed unread. You must make your way yourself. Why you should be so set on the nearly always disappointing profession is a puzzling question.

America takes her writers too seriously.

Fancourt can't write women,' said Nina dismissively. 'He tries but he can't do it. His women are all temper, tits and tampons.

Everyone assumes writers spend their time lounging around, writing and occasionally striking a pose whilst having a think.

Crime writers, I've noticed, can be jumpy. They live in a world where there are murderers on the loose and they haven't been caught yet!

People should think that being a writer is cool. Even if you__e just a starving writer. Besides, most great writers were starving at one point or another. It comes with the title.

She had spears of straw and grass in her hair, not like Ophelia gone mad through contact with Hamlet's madness, but because she had slept in some stable loft.

A celebrity farts, and everyone endures, but the unpopular will be thrased to death.

Somehow I'd still managed to go all retarded at the sight of some handsome asshole with a nice smile.

People who can change and change again are so much more reliable and happier than those who can__

The British do not expect happiness. I had the impression, all the time that I lived there, that they do not want to be happy; they want to be right.

Always take a compliment, even if it__ not yours

I had an aunt named 'abnormal Shauna' once. But she passed away in an unfortunate cliff-top interpretative dance and fireworks accident.

Nature" doesn't really have intentions, per se. Nature is a drunk waking up from a weekend bender, ambling through a messy kitchen in a pair of mismatched slippers, seeing its car in the neighbor's pool and saying, "Ah good. It was dirty. Just the thing.

110, 111 whatever it takes!"Michael Keaton character in Mr. Mom

Thought for the day: Twitter...140 character limit...must be a great tool for fortune cookie writers...

As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread.

And I thought kitty liter was the unlawful practice of discarding small felines along the roadside.