neediness

Many a rich man__ bed is bigger than many a poor woman__ bedroom; his bedroom, her house.

When we give freely, we feel full and complete; when we withhold, we feel small, petty, impotent, and lacking. We are meant to learn this great truth, that giving fulfills us, while withholding and trying to get causes us to feel empty and even more needy. This truth runs counter to our programming, which drives us to try to get something from others to fulfill our neediness, only to end up even more needy, grasping, lacking, and unfulfilled.

When all seems hopeless, cross your fingers and stick with the secular prayer.

Parents are programmed to want the best for their kids, regardless of what they get in return. That's what love is supposed to be like, right? But in fact, if you think about it, that's kind of a strange belief. Given what we know about the way people really are. Selfish and shortsighted and egotistical and needy. Why should being a parent, in and of itself, somehow confer superior-personhood on everybody who tries it? Obviously it doesn't.

They say that people are innately afraid of those who need them, they say that people are afraid of "clingy-ness", afraid of attachment, afraid of being needed by another. But I beg to disagree. I believe that people, when looking at someone who is needy of them, see themselves and see their own fears and they go away because they can't handle those fears; it's their own neediness that they're afraid of! They're afraid to want and to need, because they're afraid of loss and of losing, so when they see these things in another, that's when they run away. Nobody is actually running away from other people; everybody is really running away from themselves!

Every action is a losing, a letting go, a passing away from oneself of some bit of one__ own reality into the existence of others and of the world. In Jesus Christ, this character of action is not resisted, by trying to use our action to assert ourselves, extend ourselves, to impose our will and being upon situations. In Jesus Christ, this self-expending character of action is joyfully affirmed. I receive myself constantly from God__ Parenting love. But so far as some aspects of myself are at my disposal, these I receive to give away. Those who would live as Jesus did__ho would act and purpose themselves as Jesus did__ean to love, i.e., they mean to expend themselves for others unto death. Their being is meant to pass away from them to others, and they make that meaning the conscious direction of their existence. Too often the love which is proclaimed in the churches suppresses this element of loss and need and death in activity. As a Christian, I often speak of love as helping others, but I ignore what this does to the person who loves. I ignore the fact that love is self-expenditure, a real expending and losing and deterioration of the self. I speak of love as if the person loving had no problems, no needs, no limits. In other words, I speak of love as if the affluent dream were true. This kind of proclamation is heard everywhere. We hear it said: 'Since you have no unanswered needs, why don__ you go out and help those other people who are in need?' But we never hear people go on and add: 'If you do this, you too will be driven into need.' And by not stating this conclusion, people give the childish impression that Christian love is some kind of cornucopia, where we can reach to everybody__ needs and problems and still have everything we need for ourselves. Believe me, there are grown-up persons who speak this kind of nonsense. And when people try to live out this illusory love, they become terrified when the self-expending begins to take its toll. Terror of relationship is [that] we eat each other. But note this very carefully: like Jesus, we too can only live to give our received selves away freely because we know our being is not thereby ended, but still and always lies in the Parenting of our God....Those who love in the name of Jesus Christ... serve the needs of others willingly, even to the point of being exposed in their own neediness.... They do not cope with their own needs. They do not anguish over how their own needs may be met by the twists and turns of their circumstances, by the whims of their society, or by the strategies of their own egos. At the center of their life__he very innermost center__hey are grateful to God, because... they do not fear neediness. That is what frees them to serve the needy, to companion the needy, to become and be one of the needy.

You would not believe what skill, power and ability your total intelligence possesses until you are in desperate need.

Beware of fame; for when they come for you, they come not to give, but for to gain.Whoever is needed, wields the most power.Whoever is needy, seeks to wield that power.

Don__ ever feel bad for making a decision about your own life that upsets other people. You are not responsible for their happiness. You__e responsible for your own happiness. Anyone who wants you to live in misery for their happiness should not be in your life anyway.

We love being mentally strong, but we hate situations that allow us to put our mental strength to good use.

Because introverts are typically good listeners and, at least, have the appearance of calmness, we are attractive to emotionally needy people. Introverts, gratified that other people are initiating with them, can easily get caught in these exhausting and unsatisfying relationships.

Don't be so obsessed with stardom that you miss out on success

It wasn__ as if she__ thought it through or anything, how what a person wanted wasn__ always what they needed, and what a person needed might be the last thing they could ever want.

Want is small and will make you small. Want is needy and will make you needy.

We each make our solo voyages to deep, expansive waters. Alone in our contest with the wider world, we test our mettle and seek our trophies, promotions, compliments, and accolades. We strive to be needed and to thereby know that there is a reason for us. We seek to be told we are good because we're too unsure of ourselves to know. Yet often we remain so focused on our neediness that we forget the creatures__uman and otherwise__e're drawing into the vortex of our own passion play. All of us have compulsive loves we must forbear. We forget to see that we can engage the world without harming it. And although we fish for approval, the challenge is: to capture our prizes while bringing more to the world than we take.

when a child is ridiculed, shamed, hurt or ignored when she experiences and expresses a legitimate dependency need, she will later be inclined to attach those same affective tones to her dependency. Thus, she will experience her own (and perhaps others_) dependency as ridiculous, shameful, painful, or denied. - Dependency in the Treatment of complex PTSD and Dissociative Disorders 2001Authors: Kathy Steele, Onno van der Hart, Ellert R. S. Nijenhuis

Any man's measure is determined by what he will do when he is faced with his own deep need. Not how high he may reach but how low he may kneel.