cynical-humor

Billions of years before twelve step groups, God committed shotgun suicide. Today wall scrapings share His gratitude stories.

Belief is a wonderful way to pass the time until the facts come in.

Just like you silly bums, I have a personal sky god. I bow to him, as you do to your airy-fairy sod. He prefers I call him Mr. NOT.

I never feel unsafe except for when the majority is on my side.

Do you know what happens when you play a country song backwards? You get your wife back, your dog back and your job back.

It's weird, marriage. It's like this license that gives a person the legal right to control their spouse / their 'other half.

Has anybody ever told you you__e a remarkably cynical person?___ like to think of it as learning from experience.

Children throw tantrums because they've imagined their 'father in heaven' does so. And because, their inherited religious book has, in written, shown them so.

If I were married, I would be unmarried.

alcohol played the midwife

I love you all - if you are not people!

So, your god is the only god? Okay, but then, so is my dog.

You still are? There go my plans! And the suit I had bought to attend your funeral. Well, well. Anyway, do call me up when you an't.

It's nice to be able to do things for other people, isn't it?That's why it's fun to talk in the third person sometimes.

Our town was known for two things--no, three: salted fish, expertly dyed fabrics, and corruption.

They tugged plans and ambitions out their asses and held tight to the first that didn't smell so strongly of shit.

If by __oe_ you mean a brutal killer, then I suppose I__ fall into the __riend_ category,_ I replied cynically. __lthough in your case, we may have to find a secret option number three.

Breslin gives me his wise-teacher smile, which is kind and crinkly and would make me feel warm all over if I was dumber than a bag of hair.