humor

Yo! Hold my poodle!

(About a cookbook...)- What about this one? Maids of Honor?- Weeelll, they starts OUT as Maids of Honor...but they ends up Tarts.

I think everyone should have a problem with zombies on fire.

So it happened at last: I was about to become a thief, a cheap milk-stealer. Here was your lash-in-the-pen genius, your one story-writer: a thief.

You know what I could use? A thrill.

The worst thing about the dead rising? (Other than, you know, all the zombies?) The smell. Nothing kills the mood like the odor of three day old road kill and poo... -Katherine Anita Cho(KyCH)

The lieutenant__ fooling around again with the telegraph girl at the station,_ said the corporal, after he had gone. __e__ been running after her for a fortnight and he__ always frightfully furious when he comes from the telegraph office and he says about her: __he__ a whore. She won__ sleep with me!

I mean you ACRES of harm,' Dalrymple growled. 'Untold QUANTITIES of harm. I will visit a whole CONTINENT of harm upon you before we are through.

Skulduggery stood among the ruins of what had once been a sofa. Valkyrie raised an ey

Wow,_ says Peter, __hen your guidance counselor tells you to die, you really have problems.

I'd like to thank my parents for making this night possible. And my children for making it necessary.

I find it rude to laugh at a man with a sword.

But I'm really enjoying my retirement. I get to sleep in every day. I do crossword puzzles and eat cake.

There's something to be said about drinking a carafe of wine by yourself ... I just can't remember at the moment what it is! (said after drinking a carafe of wine by himself)

The stork is voiceless because there is really nothing to say.

Jericho stopped him before he left. He slid the ring off his finger and handed it to him. "Take this."Asmodeus curled his lip as he shrank back from it. "I'm not about to marry your ugly ass, boy. No offense, but you ain't my type. I like my dates with less body hair... and with female parts attached by nature."Jericho let out an aggravated growl. "It's not a wedding ring, asshole. It's Berith's ring. You get into trouble you can summon him to help you get out of there."That completely changed his attitude. "Oh, hey, that could be worth an engagement to you." Asmodeus grinned as he palmed it. "If I'm back in a few hours... well, I don't want to think about that. I might change my mind about doing this. I'm thinking happy thoughts. Creamed dog innards and rotten steak. Yeah. Yum." He vanished.

Ish #19 "If your diet soda has zero calories, zero sugar and zero fat, what the hell are you drinking?

Generally speaking, I try not to generalize.