funny-humor

Yo Mama's so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Yo Mama__ so old, her memory is in black and white.

Yo Mama__ so ugly, when she joined an ugly contest, they said, __orry, no professionals.

Yo Mama's like a library, open to the public.

....I'd rather travel in Cargo-nanoships than a Bullet-train to reach my target.

Girls are always complaining that they can never meet a nice guy. Nice guys are everywhere. The problem isn__ that there aren't any nice guys, the problem is that all of the nice guys are ugly.

Mom lies down next to me and we both stare at the ceiling in complete silence. __oys are like candy,_ she suddenly says. I grin. __eally, Mom? That__ your advice? Boys are like candy. What is that? Forrest Gump on teens?

I love you silly 'holy' book. Here's hoping everybody un-reads it.

Life is easy. Just stay un-dead.

Wise men don't feel companionless when they are not in the company of their egos.

Hurry, your imaginary heaven is calling you up, my dear holier-than-thou religious nuts.

But he saw a rare determination in Haley's eyes. I can trust Haley's judgement, he told himself, even as he remembered how Haley had eaten that cheddar with the mold growing on it two weeks before.Cheese and people are not the same.

I've nothing against people. Just a***oles. But then, most people are.

I love religious nuts. They make me remember I have them too. So, being a health nut, I scratch them religiously. Just as I do my butt.

Lucien had never prayed before, never imagined that there might be a deity listening who would be interested in what he had to say, so his supplication skills were a tad rusty.But now Lucien prayed.Please don__ take her from me just as I__e found her. If you do, I__l come for your ass.Any gods listening would do well to heed him. Lucien never made a promise that he couldn__ keep.

Just like you silly bums, I have a personal sky god. I bow to him, as you do to your airy-fairy sod. He prefers I call him Mr. NOT.