funny-and-random

People need to make sure they have a good humor spark plug inside them that can be ignited at any moment when required.

Do animals understand the concept of dreams or do they think they enter another dimension when they get tired?

There is no logic in logics except an illogical logic.

Afternoon experience: autographing exposed legs, outstretched in lines like matchsticks. Afternoon epiphany: Those with smooth, hairless legs would soon lose all evidence of my contact when the sweat causes the ink from the marker to run. I am ephemeral. Skepticism would be the reaction to those with thick leg hair, as their curls frazzle the lines of my name outward illegibly. Among the scaly-legged, I flaked off immediately, like I never was at all.

If someone loves sweet things and constantly eats angel´s hair tartlets should this be diagnosed as having some sort of heavenly trichotillomania?

If he didn't want to be mauled by a sex-starved woman who hadn't gotten any skin in months, he'd better keep his hands to himself.

Is that a rule? Do you have a rule that you can__ kiss people in the morning?

I nurture very good intentions about you. May you die in peace.

You have heard about the reindeer that pull old Santa's sled. But mostly I hate Rudolph and wish that he were dead. With his nose of red which we all know just can't be true. I wish someone would just kill him, that someone could be you. He is Santa's favorite and to the front he can be found. Instead of his red nose, "I" think it should be brown. He believes that Santa likes him and thinks that he's a winner. But Santa Claus has other plans he wants Rudolph for his dinner. Old Saint Nick is greedy this I know without a doubt. What else do you think happens to all the great toys we go without?He takes them and he breaks them be cause he doesn't care a bit. To me it doesn't matter, Why, he can keep his "Schict".Yes' it's true that I hate Santa too, dressed in his suit of silk. That's why this year with the homemade cookies, I'm going to leave some poison milk.

My book sales are way down today. Also, I've received two scathing reviews. One of them calls me __ purveyor of insipid wet-dreams.

Does anyone else day dream about what it would be like if specific age groups just dropped dead all across the world?

Dogs are angels full of poop.

If you don't fall down now and again, it just means the training wheels are working

I didn't actually know what regret tasted like__ut I imagined if it did have a flavor, it would be lutefisk.

Of course I love you. For real. I will sure come and personally meet you myself. Just to make sure you're well. When is your funeral?

I have only touched one other computer at my friend Marissa's house, and found the experience disconcerting. There was something sinister about the green letters and numbers that flashed on the screen as the computer booted up, and I hated the way Marissa stopped answering questions or noticing me the second it was turned on.

Do you remember what I forgot?

People in hell want snowcones.